Things I have learned.

From tuition today:

-Arthur Pendragon = King of Knights.

-Gilgamesh of Uruk = King of Heroes.

-Chia Zi Cong = King of Gays.



From cutting my hair today:

-The much maligned "RM10 Indian Barbers" are as competent if not better than some "High-Calibre, Guarantee-Satisfied Salons" *cough*vesta*cough*

(This only applies to guys though.)



From jogging today:

-I am still crazy exhausted from yesterday night's vigorous and intense activity that left me sweating profusely all over and panting furiously. There were probably some bruises and scratches from a lot of physical engagement between our bodies. We constantly tried to get behind each other and kept going non-stop for two hours and it was really sapping. We touched the ball many many times and tried to keep it under control. We took a shot multiple times throughout the course and even though more often than not we miss the target, but we kept on going strong, not giving up until we finally hit the right spot. And oh my, what joy it brought us. We went into overdrive and shouted- no, screamed loudly with elation in unison. And then we resumed our activity once more, and then again, until our energy reserves were sucked away by the end and we could do nothing but lie down and pant with glee, but it was a happy night. I woke up the next day feeling a little weaker than I've been for a while.


...What? It's just futsal you horny bastards.


-Taman Tun park is ridiculously packed. I haven't been here during the evenings in a while and WHAT THE HECK, HAS THIS PLACE DEVELOPED INTO SOME TAMAN NEGARA NOWADAYS?

-The soya bean vendor is still good.

-Don't ever eat curry puffs before jogging if you value your life. Ever!

-I realized why I tire extremely fast while jogging sometimes. I tend to treat the 2000m run like a 200m sprint. *gallop gallop gallop* *ahhh very tired ahhh!*


From wandering the night market:

-Uncle Jit hasn't changed.

-Uncle Jit hurt his leg.

-Decapitated cow heads aren't half as disgusting as I imagined, but still disgusting.

-Lots of hobos are out (or brought out) begging for money at night markets.

-----

Speaking of hobos on the streets, do you all actually give them money?

My dad always says that it is a con, a fraud, a big lie, and I shouldn't give in to sympathy and get scammed.

But to be honest I've never heeded his comments. Personally, I usually give a little when I see them. If it helps them, it makes me a good deal happier. If it doesn't, and it's only a con, a ringgit or two is hardly anything I cannot afford to part with.

Plus I sort of made an oath to do so some time ago. =\

-----



From futsal yesterday:

-I'm not too terrible!

-I might have 'osteoporosis.' (-.-) My hipbone hurt a bit after the game.

-I get gashed easily.

-My toes are stub-prone.

-A goalkeeper that has a blunder is called "Ben Foster."

-A player that scores an own goal is called "Abou Diaby."

-A player that misses a penalty is called "John Terry."

-Anyone who laughs and comments on the above events continuously is called "Kanye West."

E.g.:

Yoyoyo, I know you wanna miss a penalty later, but did you know? John Terry missed the greatest penalty of all time!

Yoyoyo, I know you're gonna score an own goal soon, but did you know? Abou Diaby scored the greatest own goal of all time!

Yoyoyo, I know you're gonna have a blunder now, but did you know? Ben Foster made the greatest blunder of all time!


-And anybody that laughs at a "Kanye" joke is a "Beyonce."


---


"It may not seem that way with my clothes on, but my body really isn't worth the jail time."

"... Either you're really insecure or your persecution complex has gone completely out of hand."

"You're trying to trick me again."

"... That explains."


---

I despise it and there isn't really anything I can do about it. I despise it as if it's the most natural thing in the world to do. Even though I know it's just immature thinking, I still despise it.

I am Tailou

Better than The Dark Knight. Trust me.

Here's a brief synopsis:


Faced with the tragedy of having his parents eloping, Ah Keong (David Kuok) enters a state of severe depression. He one day meets Tai Kok (Kok Weng) and is astounded by his name which literally meant Big Cock.

Tai Kok introduces him to his triad gang, led by Tiny (Dong Quan) who uses his appearance to fool others and incapitate them when his opponents are off guard. This impresses Ah Keong and Ah Keong vows to join his triad, The Karaoke Gang.

As Ah Keong was patrolling down the Neway corridor, he is bemused by a loud, unimpressive singing voice coming out of room 34. Thinking it was his chance to stamp his authority on his new ground, he shouted with a grizzly voice: "NOOOOOOOOOB!"

Immediately, he was greeted by the door slamming open and hitting his face. Adjusting his spectacles, Ah Keong was met with nothing. Shocked, he scratched his head before something stomped his feet. He looked down as he yelped for pain, searching for the source. Ah Keong then sees the blazing eyes of Dai Ka Jie (Kar Mun), and is startled.

Dai Ka jie's friends, Yi Ka Jie (Shing Yi) and Edward Cullen (Jou Ee) then steps out of the room, wondering what caused the fuss before introducing themselves.

Ah Keong was laughing hysterically at Jou Ee's gang name and faints spontaneously.

A pair of superimbacrazywtf high pitched voices woke Ah Keong up and he found out that his spectacles broke. Experiencing a slight amnesia, he sometimes calls himself Tony.

The Ka Jies spots him and orders him to clean up the room. He enters Room 34 and sees two drunkards playing scissors-paper-stone non stop.

The manager Yeng Yeng [This means shadow shadow in cantonese] (Joel) sees the open-mouthed Ah Keong and introduces him to Lion (Li Qi) and Puppy (Jung Kiang). In typical triad fashion, this prompts Lion to wager Ah Keong's hair in their tiebreaking scissors-paper-stone game with Puppy.

Puppy retaliates by saying he'll wager Ah Keong's pubic hair. Lion laughs and shouts "THAT'S JUST LIKE YOU, GAY!"

Ah Keong gets afraid and his Tony persona takes over. He proclaims: "HI I'M IRONMAN!" before running out of the room.

He barges into CEO Ngan Zi [Silver kid/money in cantonese] (Zi Chuen) and his two girlfriends Soprano (Jun Yen) and Alto (Soonyi). Tony threatens to utilize his pewpewlaz0rz before fleeing Neway. Screaming "BATMAN YOU SUCK!" on the way out.

The rest were stunned.

To be continued...

MAI TESITMONY!

Thought it was kinda funny. Or maybe I'm just being narcissistic.

“Eh, why the room no light one? We change room is it?”

I asked my fellow late-comers as we stood bizarrely outside our CG room.

“Duno, go see la.”

That’s how Hau Yon replied as we turned the doorknob.

……

It was a blurred moment as a flurry of projectiles flew towards us. I felt as though I have been warped back into ancient times where bow and arrows were held higher in esteem as I got shot hit after hit. Was this the end for me? Am I going to-

Wait a minute… What am I thinking??? THIS IS MADNESS!!!

“Madness? THIS IS BUD4CG!!!”

I awaken after being hit in the forehead by a pink Fruit Plus. I think it’s strawberry flavoured. Hmm…

I just only realized they shouted “SUPPLIES!” when I stepped into the room. This is weird… What has the room come to!?!?! Gone were the bright white lights of never ending brilliancy. Instead, we were greeted…. By disco lights!?!?!

THIS IS MADNESS!!!! (Refer to the previous lines…)

… *cough* Where was I?

Right, disco lights. And lots and lots of snacks. Candies, chips, drinks… And so we stepped into a new realm… We stepped into… Youth Alpha…

And thus, our adventurous journey in this diverse new world began. It was a rollercoaster ride from beginning to end and we were at the edge of our seats (okay maybe floor) for majority of the time. Thought provoking questions were raised. Answers of unfathomable sophiscated-ness and wisdom were invoked.

The unorthodox presentation made all of us comfortable, as if we’re at our own homes. This factor certainly aided the members to open themselves up to the rest and speak freely.

There were many moments throughout Alpha where certain members were on the verge of tears, through intense discussion and reflection of our past actions and current issues around the globe. The world as it stands, it seems, isn’t ideal at all, or so we think. So many things can be changed, yet so little are taking the initiative to do so. It pains some of us; we feel we want to make a change. Call us ambitious, but that’s how it is.

I personally feel that this program has brought about closely-knit friendship amongst us. With every passing session, our understanding of one another grew, and will continue to do so for years to come…

I’d think that our knowledge about Christianity on a whole has approached a new epoch following the proceedings of Youth Alpha. But of course, the best has yet to come. And the journey is still long… Amen.

“John” Yip Li Qi

P/S: I am still the most hensem member. Sorry.

The Biggest Camwhore.

And I tell the 50% of you all. You are absolutely right.












































































































































I grew tired of uploading.

WHO'S THE BIGGER CAMWHORE!?

CONTESTANT A: LIM YAN YUN

We've seen her all too much. She is notorious for turning my handphone into a semi-camera.

















This is yanyun, don't let her hold your phone.





CONTESTANT NUMBER TWO: ONG JOU EE

We've seen alot of her as well, she likes the camera so much she tried to steal my phone numerous times. Beware. Danger.

She made me so anger. No kidding. I was anger.


















Act cute pula.



WILD CARD ENTRY ONE: LEE SHING YI


She is small kid. She likes camera.

"Zichuen, let's take picture."
"Koks, let take picture."
"Charlson, let's take picture."



















.....

Lol. No comment. All of them were doing similar faces so I thought I'd complete the set.


WILD CARD ENTRY TWO: KUMAR BABA
















HE IS EVERYBODY'S NEW BEST FRIEND. HIS SIGNATURE PHRASE IS "HAI GAIZ!"

For more info, visit http://heiskumar.blogspot.com

He is the black horse of the competition, I'd bet.

t3h chinez nuuw yarz!

This is interesting.

I'm glad that two among you eighteen (11%) have had a good CNY. I bet you people had fun winning lots of money and opening lots of Ang Paus.

Speaking of angpaus. I heard a joke off the radio recently. It's Cantonese originally but I'll translate.

"Go san nin lor, bat yu lei zheong yat gor dai dai geh hong bao fong bei mor leh!"
"Mou man tai, mo bao geh hong pau bat lou dou hai hou dai geh."
"Wah, zan hei hou hoi sam ah!"
"Haha, goh hong bao fong dai zeh ma, mo yong manila kad pin jip geh!"



[It's CNY, how about you give me a big ang pau?]
[No problem, I always give big ang paus.]
[Wow, I'm overjoyed!]
[Haha, it's just the ang pau packet that's big! I folded it with a manila card!]


As usual, jokes sound best in their original form. So the hilarity has been greatly reduced.




Conversely (much thanks to Cik. Rohini *cough* *cough*), I feel sad for the zero out of eighteen people (0%) that did not have a good year. It must have been tough with the sleepless nights due to crazy fireworks that your happy counterparts have set off and losing so much money that your happy counterparts won.

I bet you're bearing a grudge against them now. :(

It's okay, after all, WAI IZ LAK ON DEYAR SAID!?!?!?!

Yep, blame it all on luck. It's the golden rule of gambling. And it is split into two parts.

[sarcasmmode:on]
One: When you're winning.
1) It's not that you're unlucky, but because I have the skills.
2) I amjust too pro.
3) I never cheat, because it's cheap.
4) I am not cheap even if I cheat.

Two: When you're losing.
1) It's not because I don't have skills, but because I am really freaking damn unlucky.
2) They are cheating.
3) They are cheap.
4) It was lagging.
7) Everyone is gay:

Before the Internet was invented, gay people were those in society who were attracted physically and emotionally to members of the same gender. Since the Internet, everyone and everything is gay. From the gun they use to kill you, to the voice they use to communicate with you, it is all gay, gay, gay. Lag is gay, snipers are gay, noobs are gay, people from other countries are gay, the countries they come from are gay, the ocean the country is surrounded by is gay, the fish in the ocean are gay, all sealife is gay, life is gay, gays are gay, gay gay gay. Gay.

Using the same one-syllable word to describe everything you don't like might not be an indicator of a varied vocabulary, but who cares? Words are gay.

*Stolen from a friend. At http://10sighdayo.blogspot.com

[sarcasmmode: off]





For the lone person (5%) which had a simply awesome CNY.

Only two possibilites.

1) You got laid.
2) You got laid twice.
2) You won the lottery.

No exceptions......


Unless you're a Kumar archetype.


...... Or maybe something else.




For the eleven people (61%) that thought the atmosphere was getting worse every year.

We're of the same.

DAMN, WHY AM I SO COMMON!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*SCREAMS UNFAIRNESS*

Am I doomed to be common? No I shall not be. I shall rise and step out of the "back up chinese guy" archetype.

Control your destiny!!!!
You dumb shit, there's like 10 Kumars that visit your blog. You must be the eleventh!
NO, STUPID VOICE SHUP UP! I AM NO KUMAR!
Wow, you can't even spell shut up properly.
YES I CAN! SHUI UP! SHUT UI! SHIP OP! ARGHHHHHHHH! SHIT UP!
Such an idiot. You're nothing but a mere noob.
UNPOSSIBLE!!!!!!
It's impossible you dumbass.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
You're destined to drown in the deepest abyss of despair and inferiority. You will never be the one that leads, always the one that lags behind and stares at the floor with low esteem.
That.... that... is not true!!!! I always walk up front with a bright smile!
That is nothing but a facade. You're a jackass.
But my name's Jill!
You're a Jillass.
:( *tear*

*Inspired by jung kiang.

(In case you can't make out what I was doing. It's a "internal struggle between my inner self and me.")

---
Make a change then. The atmosphere won't get better even if you complain but just sit back and do naught. Plan something fun with your cousins... A night adventure, firecrackers, bbq, or whatever. There's bound to be something to suit your taste.

eg: Me and my cousins are planning to roast our own dried meat. Affectionately called Ba Gua or Yok Gon or Rou Gan.





......
......
......
......




WOW WHAT A COINCIDENCE! FOUR OF MY READERS (22%) PISSED IN THEIR PANTS THE DAY BEFORE!

Could you guys be spiritually connected or something? Wait. I meant pelvic-ally connected.

Dude A, let's call him Kumar.
Dude B, let's call him Najeb.
Dude C, let's call him Salleh.
Dudette D, let's call her Rohini.



That one fateful day, Cik Santaclaus Rohini was teaching her students her favourite and most proficient subject, English in Science and Technology (EST).

When Cik Rohini asked a question, a bewildered Kumar instinctively raised his hand.

Cik Rohini then said: "Class, this student here is really good, he raised his hands before I finished my, class listen, question. Class, you must learn from Kumar, class, he is a good student...

Kumar: "Erm, teacher....."

Rohini: "Hold on, don't interrupt... Class, you must always react fast! Yes, Kumar?"

Kumar: "Can I go to the toilet please?"

Rohini: "Yes boy, you may go whereever you want. Cik Rohini is powerless to stop you, but please be careful and watch out for the discipline teachers and our new headmistress. She is very strictkkkk! Hold on boy, I think it's best you don't go yet, you might be troubled if you get caught."

Kumar: "But teacher, I can't stand it anymore, even the great king from tamadun Mesopotamia, Gilgamesh of Uruk, goes to the toilet. So does the son of the Sun God, Amon Re of tamadun Mesir Purba! And the list goes on! We need toilet!"

Rohini: "Oh... Ermm... Okay."

Kumar: "Teacher you got any questions?"

Rohini: "No."

Kumar: "You understand?"

Rohini: "Yes."

Kumar: "Then I know I got to go already."


Kumar quickly rushes off out of the class. HOWEVER. SHOCKING!!!! Kumar stopped once away from sight, gave a smirk and said... "So easy...", and waled slowly, really slowly towards the toilet, wasting as much time as possible.

Cik Rohini was quick to continue her class, already asking another question. This time, Salleh was picked to answer.


Rohini: "What is the meaning of fatigue?"


Salleh answered in his usual squeaky voice.


Salleh: "The meaning of Physics? Mmmmhh.... Come from the Greek words "Physikos" that meant the study of nature."

Rohini: "Meant? Do you mean it is no longer the study of nature? And boy, you really have to brush up your English okay?"

Salleh: "Sorry, my language is not really good.... Can I go to the toilet? I got perut sakit."

Rohini: "Okay, go go go..."

Najeb: "Allah, gila betultu, tentu pergi pak toh dengan Kumar!"

Rohini: "English please? It's EST period."


Meanwhile... Salleh walked out of class. To his surprise, he found Kumar still walking ever so slowly towards the toilet and caught up in like... two steps?


Najeb: "AIYO CIKGU. GILA BETULLAH! SAYA PUN TAK PERCAYA TAPI SAYA NAMPAK MEREKA DUA PEGANG TANGAN! CIKGU BIAR SAYA PERGI CHECK!"

Rohini: "Okay baik, saya berikan tanggungjawab ini kepadamu."


And so, Najeb rushed off as well. Like Salleh, he caught up in no time with the duo. The three of them sighed at the same time and muttered "Idiots....".

They headed to the toilet. And finally reached there after a 10 minutes long walk. There they chatted while pissing away.


Kumar: "Eh our teacher. Not so bright la."

Salleh: "Ya, she are idiots."

Najeb: "GILA BETULLAH!"

Kumar: "I hope she pisses in her pants."

Salleh: "Pisses in her pants? Mmmmh.... I hopes so too."

Najeb: "GILA BETULLAH!"


*Meanwhile*


Ah Beng: "CIK ROHINI, YOUR PANTS IS WET!"


[Thus ends the story of the four who telepathically pissed in their pants together.]


THE END.

Random pictures. Some I edited, others I found.

And finally. We've found the answer to "Why did the chicken cross the road?".
(for some reason the .gif isn't moving. Click the picture.)

Pessimist Emo Kias.

[emo]

Today when I woke up, I found out I was all alone in my bed. I immediately broke down and cried.

Where are you?

Why is there shit in my pants?

Yesterday was a sad day, I really slit my wrists when I tried to attract attention.

It is still bleeding profusely right now. Doctor says it'll take seventeen years to recover fully. Why doctor, why? Why must you drown me in the pool of reality and let me plummet down the depths of despair and sadness.... The void of darkness is beginning to consume me...

This feeling.... You will never understand... This itchiness..... This restlessness...

I need to wash my hair!

People like you won't understand, you don't have to be emo and can wash your hair everyday... Whereas I have to keep my emo image up... Having messy hair and really deep eye bags... Only then can I express my true lifestyle...

This agony is too much... I can't take this pain anymore.. Where's my trusty and not rusty knife?!?!?!

Ah there it is.... *slits wrist*

Ahh....

Wait... WHERE'S MY CAMERA!?!??!?!?!

There it is..

Now, where's my hand?



"B da way u r.. no matter wad i'l owiz b there 4 u when u nid me.. Dats da way im gona love u if i cant get u bak"


[/emo]



Sing some I Feel Pretty plz.

Or maybe for Wong Seng, sing some This Is Why I'm Hot.

It'll help you.

Oh and by the way, learn to spell well, I don't know where you live, but I doubt many people are attracted to people who

Taip Laik Diz, yu mite tink itz so kool but relly it izn't.



To be honest, I don't hold any prejudice against emo people. Why should I?

As long as you're human, there are bound to be times where you're feeling blue. But some people are taking it too far... Hurting yourself?

Are you out of your mind?

I do not know what kind of trauma some of you have met, but that's just irrational.

Mindless.

Think about those that care about you.