Sunday, August 26, 2007

JOKES.

ONE

A man is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little
Perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Golly, I
wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered
me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly
intelligent, thoroughly educated bird ..."

"Oh yeah?" the man asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your
perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you
asked,
I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't
see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't
you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,
physics, and philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really
ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The man looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford
that."

"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody
wants me 'cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20.
Just make the guy an offer!"

The man offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor,
he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he
sympathizes, and he's insightful. The man is delighted.

One day the man comes home from work and the parrot goes,
"Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if
I
should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the man.

"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at
the
door in a sheer black nightie."

"WHAT???" the guy says incredulously. "THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie
and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.

"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"

"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees
and began to kiss her all over...."

Then the frantic man screams, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got an erection and fell off my perch!"


TWO




3 new immigrants are applying for a job at a mining company: A German, A French and a Chinese.

The boss looks at them and decides to employ them all, since there are lots to be done at the mine.

He looks at the German who looks strong and tall, and says: "You will be responsible for transporting the ores."
Then he looks at the French who looks smart. "You will be responsible for designing the mine tunnels."
And lastly the Chinese who is short and nimble. "You will be responsible for supplies."

After one week of working, the boss decides to inspect the site, he sees the German working very hard, and he sees the French taking some measurements for the new mineshaft, but the Chinese was no where to be seen.

Just when he was about the go back to his office, the Chinese pops up behind him, almost scaring him to death and screams: "SUPPLIES!"


*try saying that in a chinese accent if you dun get it.*







[SURPRISE!]



THREE

THIS IS RATHER EXPLICIT.

A blonde goes into the dry cleaners to have her sweater cleaned. She asks the clerk, “How much?”

He doesn’t hear her correctly and says “Come again?”

She giggles and says “No…it’s just mustard this time.”




Get it?

Come sounds like something else.


FOUR

THIS IS QUITE EXPLICIT TOO!

The day after Jack was dumped by his girlfriend, he saw her coming out of a motel with another man, apparently her new boyfriend. He was so angry at the sight of this and wanted revenge, so he walked up to them and said to the new boyfriend.

"Hey, you know thats my old girlfriend? Shes already *used* and you still treasure her like that, what a fool."

Before the guy could say anything, the girlfriend said:

"Dont listen to him bullshit, only the first inch is used, everything deeper is brand new."


FIVE


A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, 10 Miles.

He thinks it's a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign, which says: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, Next Right.

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: Sisters of St. Francis.

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?".

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me."

He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup, instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway".

He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nuns cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him.

As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign: Go in Peace. You Have Just Been Screwed By The Sisters of St. Francis. Serves You Right, You Sinner!


SIX

There was a Caption on a war ship, and the lookout came up to him one day and said "enemy on the Horizon!"

The Caption said "Bring me my red shirt."

The lookout did not question this and brought the Caption his red shirt. During the whole battle the Caption did not lose a single man. So later on the lookout came to the Caption and asked "Why did you want me to bing you a red shirt?"

The Caption said "Well, if I happened to get shot, my men would not see me bleeding and keep on with the battle."

Well the next day, the lookout came running up and said "20 enemy ships on the Horizon"

The Caption replied "Bring me my brown pants!"



SEVEN

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making Love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset.

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce!

And the husband replied "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened."

"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And the husband began -- "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same."

The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, Please ... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"






This husband and Jack are real sad.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

When I was younger.

Foreword: This will be an original tag (I think) created by me! =D Exciting ain't it? x)

Rules:

  1. Simple, just list a few things you've done in your past, be it sinister or childish, or even downright dumb. You may use my post as a sample.
  2. Minimum ten things please. =)
  3. You can choose whether to tag another person or not.
  4. This is just for fun, but if possible, post a picture of a younger you, and the current you.
  5. Please put aside feelings of embarrassment. And write what you want to. =)
  6. To readers: If the author did not write names, and you know who is it. Keep it to yourself. Thanks.

Disclaimer: My "younger" is when I was 12 and prior, you may alter it according to your likes and dislikes.

Let's start.

One word to describe the younger you?
Notgood. =(

When I was younger:
  • I got angry extremely quickly and could be rather destructive. Much like Jung. =D Victims of my short temper includes and is not restricted to Melanie and Cheryl. (Cheryl is dangerous.)


  • I stole my brother's money and got caught. HAHAhaha. =.= (This was when I was 6 or so.) My mother pleaded with my brother (who for some reason has a temper as hot as mine.) to not scold me brutally. Ever since then, I've never attempted to steal anything.

    For I know... "To gain something, another thing of equal value will have to be sacrificed."

  • I tricked some guy in the neighbourhood into trading his rare pokemon card with my rather common pokemon card, and often ran at the sight of him. lawl. (I was 9 I think.)

    and there was once he came to my house, seeking tuition, thank God he didn't enter. I was hiding behind the curtains when he was there.

  • I got first place for every year, except the first. Nyahahahahaha! (Damn Emelyn and Zi Chian, too smart. -.-)

  • I was a sore loser. (I still hate to lose though, but I accept defeat if the opponent is undeniably better.) I will make a big fuss and make up stuff as to how unfair it was.


  • I was involved in prefect duty every year except the first. Was KP for third year, and assistant for sixth year. (Tham Kar Mun is the infamous KP. xD)


  • When I was nine, I pinched Melanie until she cried. Sorry. Very sorry. >.<
    (To be Honest, Third year was my most hated, among the six years. But surprisingly I got best results from this year. First in the form.)

  • When I was ten, I wore shades to Shing's party. -.-

    Reason: When I was in the car, I was playing with my sister's shades, and she jokingly said I look cool, but I took her seriously and asked if I could wear it. HAHahahaha ha ha ha..... =="

    We got teased real bad.


  • When I was ten, I constantly menyampuk and argue with my teacher's teachings, though sometimes I was right. (For some reason, several teachers never like me until they stop teaching me. Perhaps this is the reason.)


  • When I was in primary, I think I made two teachers cry. -.- (Not proud of it.)


  • I was in a clique some people call The Five Prefects. (sounds gay. -__-) This is due to the fact that the five of us were the only male prefects in our class.


  • My (favourite) teacher always teased me about another girl. =x
  • Called her every alternate day. =O
  • I used to whisper "Colourful." to her. HAHAHAHAhahahahha. (of course she didn't know. =|) [You may ask me in msn if you duno what colourful is.]


  • I tripped Emelyn from the shadows because I was tricked by her. (Ah. Such Asshole I Am. And. Stupid. As. Well.) [We eventually got along though.]


  • I frequently do "The Donald Entrance" during my mum's tuition. Which is, imitate Donald Trump's entrance in the reality show The Apprentice. Which is to, enter last. And I thought it's cool lol.


  • I used to hold my neighbour's hand when crossing the road. =.= (kindergarten age.)
  • I used to hold my cousin's hand when crossing the road. =.= (very young age.)


  • I knew kokweng was gay. /gg (I chose pink because it's the colour closest to gay. xD)


This is the oldest picture I have of myself.




















This is a more recent one.
















This is me emo-ing. =D




















Okay fine, this is me. I don't emo. =)

















I Tag:

Shing. Because I know she would want to talk about her birthday. xD
Whoever else that wants to do.

I hope:

Mel would do.
Yanyun would do.
Beatrice would do.
Yongying would do.

KENNYSIA! xD [ impossible. =( ]

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Lots Of Lols. (LOL)

First and foremost, if anyone fails to find this funny. I shall go to a corner and cry.... =(

Maybe not, everyone has their own opinions anyway.

I'm just trying to put a smile back on whoever that is having hard times. =)

Right. It's going to contain a lot of photos, so be prepared!!! =|

First, let's start off with....















Shing posing!!!!

Such a pro, even the sister is growing up to be like her. As the chinese proverb goes...

"Jing Zhu Zhe Ce, Jing Mo Zhe Hei."

Literally means you will be influenced by those around you. I have several photos of her sister posing, but for technical reasons I may not post it.

So.... how is it so far?

Audience: Good...

Good?

Audience: Good...

Alright! Now let's move on to the second picture!

We have.....















Loong: Ain't I pretty? ; )

Loong posing... Gosh, I think I'll head to the toilet...

*minutes later*

Ah... You people are still here I see, tough indeed! Shouldn't have any problems for the next few photos then!

Hmmm, next up... I present you...















Heru: HEHEHEHEHEHE...

Choong Heru's braces... =="

As they always say: Do not underestimate those who wear braces. They might unleash the power of eating chewing gums suddenly and will cause dramatic ear damages.

Right, so there was a Hari KoKo celebration for us KRSians.

Basically.... there was chaos, and turmoil, and we sure left a hell of a mess for 1 Teratai. That was the plan, until Pn. Loh passed by.

And... some people went... "Lol, we're getting pwnd."

Okay, fine, that was me.

So, we were tasked to clean up after we're done with the party. Of course, this was the original plan, isn't it? ; )

Haha, and so.... I shall let pictures do the talking, they're worth a thousand words each!!!















Su Wee: Faster open.... Can't wait.....


Oh yeah, and there were 2 bottles of sparkling juice only... We had, roughly 50 people.

So, we imposed a (fake) rule where students below the age of 15 will be ineligible to drink it. xD















Birthday boy gets to drink first! (that's Zichuen if you duno.)

Basically, all eyes were on the two bottles. T_T















All: *Stare...*

And really, with all those chaos, things were bound to go wrong.

...... It's just that... I did not expect it to be so soon....

Loong rapes Seba.... Wait, isn't it the other way around?? But there's no way Seba would rape someone! T_T















Loong/Seba: This is fun......

karMun: No Wai Ad All! >=(















Even heru cannot resist me. haihz.

Who would've expected that even heru would do such things!!!















See... even that guy's (sorry forgot your name ><) expression also tells that he mou ngan tai liau. tsk tsk tsk. Among this turmoil....














A twisties was caught.

We charged it for manipulating students into sinning. (Gluttony, to be precise.)

Ah, peace at last...















Sarah and Pik relishing their last moments on the tapak as a kadet...















Seeing them this sad makes me weep. =( (right...)

kay, after all that celebration, me, jou, jane, heru, yean, sarah and jess went to curve's The Apartment. I swear they bought their furniture from Ikea (which is opposite) !!!! O_o

It was boring.















See?

I was just helping them take photos because the food there were just too expensive for me.
















Yes, that's a world map behind me. The flash is darn powerful.

After laeving The Apartment, everybody became passionate about camwhoring suddenly.


Sarah: AHHHH THERE'S A MIRROR!!!















All specs...

Anything reflective will do for us. Even if it's just glass.




















Or even.....
















THIS!

Geez.

As if this wasn't enough, me, jou and jane went to ou.
















Me: Jane... How? It's for teksi only leh!!! We cannot go in!!! What is taxi anyway!!! Can eat or not one!?!?!
Jane: Ahhh!!!!














Jane: Wait, let me think.......
Me: How!!!!!!!!
















Oh yezzah, make me immortal right?

You mean like this?
















....... Don't want.















I'll prefer it if I get nice skin la. (fake.)















If you fail....

Jane will kiss you.
Jou will eat you.
I will wanna whack you.

(FAKE)

haihz.
















We went.... to McDs as you can see, and I got scammed. Look at the picture carefully.

It's a Fillet O Fish, no doubt.

But look at the cheese.

YES IT'S A FREAKING QUARTER OF A CHEESE.

Went complain, and the fella say:

"Oh, is like that one la, the new Fillet O Fish now all one quarter cheese only."

I tell you, it's damn fishy, fishier than that Fillet O Fish. Definitely cheesier than that quarter of a cheese.

Ingredients and composition

The Filet-O-Fish contains a breaded fish patty made from pollock and/or hoki (originally the sandwich was made with cod), half a slice of processed cheese and tartar sauce, on a steamed bun. The fish patty size was increased 50% in 1996 during the Arch Deluxe marketing. However in 2000, in an effort to increase profitability, the fish patty was reduced in size by approximately 10%. A Double Filet-O-Fish sandwich is available in some markets, either in an extra value meal or by itself. It contains two fish patties stacked in the same bun.


Source: Wikipedia.

SUCKERRRRR IT'S HALF A SLICE! GIVE ME BACK MY QUARTER OF A CHEESE!!!!

Anyways, I've never known it was supposed to be half a slice until i looked it up.

I still don't remember ever seeing Fillet O Fish with half a slice of cheese though, do you?
















"I smoke fries," Anyone?
















"Hi, I am a box, please don't eat me, just eat the Fillet O Fish in me! >.<"














I swear I was transformed into Shia LeBeouf for a second or so. Jou I'm not sure.
















Alas.... Harry is short.

Lots Of Lols. (LOL)

First and foremost, if anyone fails to find this funny. I shall go to a corner and cry.... =(

Maybe not, everyone has their own opinions anyway.

I'm just trying to put a smile back on whoever that is having hard times. =)

Right. It's going to contain a lot of photos, so be prepared!!! =|

First, let's start off with....















Shing posing!!!!

Such a pro, even the sister is growing up to be like her. As the chinese proverb goes...

"Jing Zhu Zhe Ce, Jing Mo Zhe Hei."

Literally means you will be influenced by those around you. I have several photos of her sister posing, but for technical reasons I may not post it.

So.... how is it so far?

Audience: Good...

Good?

Audience: Good...

Alright! Now let's move on to the second picture!

We have.....















Loong: Ain't I pretty? ; )

Loong posing... Gosh, I think I'll head to the toilet...

*minutes later*

Ah... You people are still here I see, tough indeed! Shouldn't have any problems for the next few photos then!

Hmmm, next up... I present you...















Heru: HEHEHEHEHEHE...

Choong Heru's braces... =="

As they always say: Do not underestimate those who wear braces. They might unleash the power of eating chewing gums suddenly and will cause dramatic ear damages.

Right, so there was a Hari KoKo celebration for us KRSians.

Basically.... there was chaos, and turmoil, and we sure left a hell of a mess for 1 Teratai. That was the plan, until Pn. Loh passed by.

And... some people went... "Lol, we're getting pwnd."

Okay, fine, that was me.

So, we were tasked to clean up after we're done with the party. Of course, this was the original plan, isn't it? ; )

Haha, and so.... I shall let pictures do the talking, they're worth a thousand words each!!!















Su Wee: Faster open.... Can't wait.....


Oh yeah, and there were 2 bottles of sparkling juice only... We had, roughly 50 people.

So, we imposed a (fake) rule where students below the age of 15 will be ineligible to drink it. xD















Birthday boy gets to drink first! (that's Zichuen if you duno.)

Basically, all eyes were on the two bottles. T_T















All: *Stare...*

And really, with all those chaos, things were bound to go wrong.

...... It's just that... I did not expect it to be so soon....

Loong rapes Seba.... Wait, isn't it the other way around?? But there's no way Seba would rape someone! T_T















Loong/Seba: This is fun......

karMun: No Wai Ad All! >=(















Even heru cannot resist me. haihz.

Who would've expected that even heru would do such things!!!















See... even that guy's (sorry forgot your name ><) expression also tells that he mou ngan tai liau. tsk tsk tsk.

Among this turmoil....














A twisties was caught.

We charged it for manipulating students into sinning. (Gluttony, to be precise.)

Ah, peace at last...















Sarah and Pik relishing their last moments on the tapak as a kadet...















Seeing them this sad makes me weep. =( (right...)

kay, after all that celebration, me, jou, jane, heru, yean, sarah and jess went to curve's The Apartment. I swear they bought their furniture from Ikea (which is opposite) !!!! O_o

It was boring.















See?

I was just helping them take photos because the food there were just too expensive for me.
















Yes, that's a world map behind me. The flash is darn powerful.

After laeving The Apartment, everybody became passionate about camwhoring suddenly.


Sarah: AHHHH THERE'S A MIRROR!!!















All specs...

Anything reflective will do for us. Even if it's just glass.




















Or even.....
















THIS!

Geez.

As if this wasn't enough, me, jou and jane went to ou.
















Me: Jane... How? It's for teksi only leh!!! We cannot go in!!! What is taxi anyway!!! Can eat or not one!?!?!
Jane: Ahhh!!!!














Jane: Wait, let me think.......
Me: How!!!!!!!!
















Oh yezzah, make me immortal right?

You mean like this?
















....... Don't want.















I'll prefer it if I get nice skin la. (fake.)















If you fail....

Jane will kiss you.
Jou will eat you.
I will wanna whack you.

(FAKE)

haihz.
















We went.... to McDs as you can see, and I got scammed. Look at the picture carefully.

It's a Fillet O Fish, no doubt.

But look at the cheese.

YES IT'S A FREAKING QUARTER OF A CHEESE.

Went complain, and the fella say:

"Oh, is like that one la, the new Fillet O Fish now all one quarter cheese only."

I tell you, it's damn fishy, fishier than that Fillet O Fish. Definitely cheesier than that quarter of a cheese.

Ingredients and composition

The Filet-O-Fish contains a breaded fish patty made from pollock and/or hoki (originally the sandwich was made with cod), half a slice of processed cheese and tartar sauce, on a steamed bun. The fish patty size was increased 50% in 1996 during the Arch Deluxe marketing. However in 2000, in an effort to increase profitability, the fish patty was reduced in size by approximately 10%. A Double Filet-O-Fish sandwich is available in some markets, either in an extra value meal or by itself. It contains two fish patties stacked in the same bun.


Source: Wikipedia.

SUCKERRRRR IT'S HALF A SLICE! GIVE ME BACK MY QUARTER OF A CHEESE!!!!

Anyways, I've never known it was supposed to be half a slice until i looked it up.

I still don't remember ever seeing Fillet O Fish with half a slice of cheese though, do you?
















"I smoke fries," Anyone?
















"Hi, I am a box, please don't eat me, just eat the Fillet O Fish in me! >.<"














I swear I was transformed into Shia LeBeouf for a second or so. Jou I'm not sure.
















Alas.... Harry is short.