How to be a Cheese

title by Yanyun.

Ah, this is easy. (not)

To be a cheese, you need to...

Eat the cheese, see the cheese.
Touch the cheese, break the cheese.

Easy? Perhaps.



Step One: Eat the cheese.
















There. Eat it. Ok fine you can't eat a cheese out of a computer. But at least you tried!!

(I still don't get why cheese have holes in them.)

Warning: Calorie content is rather high, not suitable for Yunwei-sized people.

Cheddar and Parmesan are some of the best cheese. Excluding the very limited Liqi Cheese, otherwise known as Lycheese.



Step two. This is EASY! See the cheese.
















See that cheese? Yeah, I know it's the same cheese. But I just wanna test if you have what it takes to be a cheese.

To be a cheese, you must see the cheese. If not.....



















We will be very disappointed.





Step Three: Touch the cheese.

Okay, touch is the wrong word.

You know there is this chinese idiom.

"Jing zhu zhe che, jing mo zhe hei."

Which means.

When you're close to a good influence, you will be good natured. If you are close to an ill natured influence, you will be ill natured.

Likewise, when you're close to cheese, you will get to be a cheese!



Fourth step: Break the cheese.

I know this is weird.

Why do you want to break the cheese when you want to be a cheese?

This is because, you know. They always say.

"In the end, the greatest of men are men themselves."

Therefore, to be a true cheese you must break the limit of ordinary cheese and reach for the heaven of cheese, a.k.a. Cheesaven.

Not to worry, I've included ways to help you.


This:




















is your most powerful weapon. The RAT3X74 cheese hunter.

It will track down cheese, eliminate the cheese, and stomach the cheese.

In the liver, lipase will be released to help digest the fats in cheese.

And, they will totally eliminate the cheese from then on. Skinning layer after layer of the cheese until it is nothing but a shadow of it's former glory, a faecheese.




Bonus step.


If all else fails, use the internet!


This is one of the examples of how the internet can help you in research. Picture credits to Jung.
















Intriguing indeed.




Besides that, watch movies.


The Seeker will help you, even though it's crap.



These lines must be memorised. It will be the most important phrase for the rest of your life!



I am Will Stanton, the seventh son of the seventh son!

I did not find the sixth sign. That is because it was not hidden from me. I am the sixth sign!

*Sticks butt out and puts hand in front as if to imitate the talk-to-the-hand pose.*

-Will Stanton the Level 25 Seventh Son of the Seventh Son has pawned Level 25 Darkness.



Oh my, the movie was bad. Everytime the darkness guy comes out. He updates you.

1st scene:

In 5 days, my power will reach it's peak! But the seeker has one sign already. Keep an eye on him.

2nd scene:

In 3 days, I will reach the peak of my power. However, the seeker has 3 signs already. I need you to carry out your task.


3rd scene:

In a day, my power will be at it's peak. When that happens, they will be no match for me, save the seeker, who now has 5 signs. Should he find the sixth sign, even I will not be a match.



(Or something like that.)



Conclusion: It sucks.