Thursday, October 11, 2007

How to make Yun Wei fit.


Ah, but I know you won't be satisfied with just one word. So I'll try my best. Yun Wei, if you're looking at this, you should take down some notes!

1) Must eat less chicken. And curry.

Right now, Yun Wei's signature phrase:

"Kak, Nasi Lemak tambah tiga telur dan satu ayam. Cantik sikit ya!"

Has become known throughout the world. It took the world by shock. Such elegance. This phrase.... is the best.

One small meal for Yun Wei, a giant leap for obesity patients.

Sorry, but Malaysia's first astronaut, Sheikh Muszaphar copied Neil Armstrong's words, so I must copy him too!

Anyway. Yun Wei, cheer up, it's not impossible for you to lose weight! Eat less chicken! Chicken contains high amounts of calorie. And if you do not exercise often enough, it will make you fatter and fatter and fatter and fatter and fatter.

That's good for you ain't it?

Ah ya, and don't put curry on your armpit please, it's not nice to look at. People might think you secrete oil!

Wait, you do? Oh wow.

Second! (This is not proven to work.)

Sit properly. Right now. You sit like..... a hunchback. Ah I can't find the right word, so hunchback will do.

It's like, you're trying to act cool but it's not cool, so why bother to act cool when the outcome is not cool at all? That's so uncool, Yun Wei.

When you hunch like this, your stomach will be pressured, and thus will grow outwards!

When that happens, you will grow fatter and fatter and fatter and fatter and fatter. You do not want that, do you?

You do? That's good for you!

Oh ya, and please don't open your mouth when you sit under the fan please, it makes you look like a crossbreed of a dog and a pig.

You know? Dogs like to stick their tongue out? To help perspiration? I know you need the extra help in that department, but don't over do it, alright? ;)

Third! Exercise pl0x.

If you do not exercise you will never ever be fit. I don't want to discourage you but inilah hakikat! Kamu mesti tabah menerima hakikat, seperti Nazar!

You must not be like Sahar, who bakars Nazar's Zakar!

That is an example of immorality. Thou must not be like him.

So, Yun Wei, hustle up! Join Tan Juan whenever he jogs around school during PJ.

By doing that, you not only become fitter, so the chicks will dig you, but you also get to enjoy the morning scenery!

Who knows, you might even become so fit you have six packs, the chicks will love you. Perhaps your dream of becoming a underwear model ain't too far off!

While jogging, you can study as well, thanks to Tan Juan, just ask him, how much calories will be burnt in one round of jogging, I'm sure he'll gladly tell you, but at the same time you will be rather disappointed, because the calorie you take in > the calorie you burn.

Sad ain't it? In the end you will get depressed and grow fatter and fatter and fatter and fatter and fatter.

Good for you.

I have given you my advice, young one. It is up to you to take up the path of fit-dom, or not.

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