Lately, I've been approached by a few people.
"Eh Li Qi, why you always look so grumply lately one?"
"Li Qi, smile!"
"Li Qi, why so emo?"
"Li Qi, why so angry!?"
"Li Qi, you always look pissed!"
"Li Qi, stop making that face!"
.........
Is my face that misleading?
I'm sorry people, but that's the only face I can make when I don't feel particularly expressive or don't feel any emotion. =="
Well, at least I've recieved "Li Qi, you always smile!" once.
And that's from a very smiley girl as well. Ahahahahha.
Many have attributed My Grumpiness to Green House and they might not be wrong.
It's kinda sickening when you have to approach this able athlete, only to find he's such an unable human being.
(very shortened version.)
Do You want to join-
No.
What?
No, I'm lazy.
Come on la, you're one of the best among them, just stay back one day la.
When ah?
2 30 - 4.
Wah, like that. I can go home and sleep until 4, come to school, and see you all lose!
...
You're beyond cure.
Sometime I wonder what goes through their minds.
Yet, I can never understand human beings like this no matter how much I try.
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Thursday, October 30, 2008
BAD DAY IN THE OFFICE.
GIANT MONKEY BALLS
What a saddening day.
I woke up at 4, wanting to catch an entertaining match.
I got what I wanted.
Arsenal and Tottenham played out an extremely bullet-paced game which kept me on the edge of my seats.
If you've known me well enough, you'll know that I'm an avid supporter of the red half of North London.
HOWEVER, before I could feast my eyes on the brilliant game.
Astro had a different idea.
First, the whole network found a need to showcase a black screen in order to attract more customers.
It lasted for about 20 minutes.
By that time, Tottenham was 1-0 up, and I got wind that it was scored by Bentley from almost 40 yards out --- Sick.
Yeah but the spoils soon came for us as Arsenal mounted their pressure, and led by 3 goals to 1.
Soon Alumunia turned gay and fumbled a ball, took 438127498127 seconds to get up, but Darren Bent took only 438127498126 seconds to reach there, scoring a goal.
I feared for the worst.
I thought the day was settled when Van Persie scored the fourth.
LEADING 4-2 AT 89 minutes, Arsenal miraculously conceded TWO GOALS in the space of FIVE MINUTES.
Full time. 4-4.
()$&**()@&#*(!^(*#*!&$()*#()!#&*&#()!&*$()&@)!&@)&^!@086
There is certainly no excuse for a supposedly world-class team to let in 2 goals in the FINAL FIVE MINUTES.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
But I have since gotten over it after thrashing Tottenham 5-0, 4-0, and 6-3, in 3 FIFA 09 matches. Pfft.
------------
In school. BM paper killed.
Total geegee. I couldn't finish and answered some wrongly. But I think (hope) my score will still be respectable.
In the evening.
THE LEGENDARY YONG YING WAS ONLINE!
Yeah so talked abit.
And bla bla. then bla bla. yeah yeah boring day. History tomorrow.................
What a saddening day.
I woke up at 4, wanting to catch an entertaining match.
I got what I wanted.
Arsenal and Tottenham played out an extremely bullet-paced game which kept me on the edge of my seats.
If you've known me well enough, you'll know that I'm an avid supporter of the red half of North London.
HOWEVER, before I could feast my eyes on the brilliant game.
Astro had a different idea.
First, the whole network found a need to showcase a black screen in order to attract more customers.
It lasted for about 20 minutes.
By that time, Tottenham was 1-0 up, and I got wind that it was scored by Bentley from almost 40 yards out --- Sick.
Yeah but the spoils soon came for us as Arsenal mounted their pressure, and led by 3 goals to 1.
Soon Alumunia turned gay and fumbled a ball, took 438127498127 seconds to get up, but Darren Bent took only 438127498126 seconds to reach there, scoring a goal.
I feared for the worst.
I thought the day was settled when Van Persie scored the fourth.
LEADING 4-2 AT 89 minutes, Arsenal miraculously conceded TWO GOALS in the space of FIVE MINUTES.
Full time. 4-4.
()$&**()@&#*(!^(*#*!&$()*#()!#&*&#()!&*$()&@)!&@)&^!@086
There is certainly no excuse for a supposedly world-class team to let in 2 goals in the FINAL FIVE MINUTES.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
But I have since gotten over it after thrashing Tottenham 5-0, 4-0, and 6-3, in 3 FIFA 09 matches. Pfft.
------------
In school. BM paper killed.
Total geegee. I couldn't finish and answered some wrongly. But I think (hope) my score will still be respectable.
In the evening.
THE LEGENDARY YONG YING WAS ONLINE!
Yeah so talked abit.
And bla bla. then bla bla. yeah yeah boring day. History tomorrow.................
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Losing it.
Dear Yi Wing,
I'm afraid that my heart might not take it if what I suspect turns out to be true.
Let go?
How do you let go of something you've never owned to begin with.
I'm afraid that my heart might not take it if what I suspect turns out to be true.
Let go?
How do you let go of something you've never owned to begin with.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Love. Vows. Family. Affairs. Treachery. Lies. Bonds.
This is one extremely long post. Looking at the picture, you might think, 'meh it's just a boring review of a show.'
I think. It's worth every single nanosecond spent.
Moonlight Resonance.
Words can't describe what I feel about this show.
Never have I ever been impacted this much by a single series.
Until now, the "atmosphere" (lack of a better word) still lingers in my heart.
I have always boasted about being a guy who hardly ever cries. But, watching this show, I cried at least twice in the last three days.
Each day I watched til morning. Even forgoing playing games.
Several times, I was angered. I punched tables.
Several times, I cried. Touched.
Many times, I felt like I wanted to just rush to my mother's arms and hug her, and tell her how much I love her.
Many times, I despaired. Why isn't my family as tightly knitted?
I was envious.
Siblings The entire family playing around together, caring for each other, running around searching for each other, helping one another, comforting one another... The list goes on...
I admit, I've never felt my family bonds were very strong. Deep in my heart, I've always been longing for sisters/brothers closer to my age, or even younger ones, perhaps I was even searching for that in friends. But I pondered while studying, was that really the matter?
I pondered, and pondered. I knew I could not study that evening. Not a chance. I was too distracted. I took out my phone. I sent a message to my mum.
妈，我爱你！
I sat there, staring at my book as my mind flew elsewhere, while my friends around me were studying in that awkward silence.
Honestly, it flew across my mind at times...
This silence... It was too scary... I thought for a moment I was sitting around strangers.
Images from the show flickered in my thoughts.
How... Stark......
Our lives... Isn't it... Ordinary? I understand, it's a TV show. But... Is reality really so much a big difference? I'm unwilling to believe that.
My childhood.... I hardly have any recollection about my siblings about them back then... When I was small, I was too small to understand. And when I was older, they were already far ahead. Very far ahead. I was left in the shadows again... The three of them studied in the same school, I wonder how it felt?
As I ventured further down Ponderland, I asked myself more questions, questions that I wasn't sure how to answer myself.
Why?
...
How?
...
When?
...
Can I?
---
Prior to writing this paragraph, my mum walked down the stairs and sat on the couch.
I looked her way, gazing at her back.
Something told me I should go to her side and hug her.
I did just that. And kissed her on the forehead.
I said "I love you."
And it struck me.
This must have been the first time I have ever said those 3 words verbally for the past 3 or so years.
However hard I recall, I can't remember a time where I said that to her face during my secondary school years.
I cried once again, in my mother's arms.
When I walked down the stairs after bathing. I saw my mum looking at her phone. She was trying to reply my message in chinese but did not know how to operate it.
I told her she could just tell me, but she insisted on sending a message. With a little help from me. She managed to.
妈妈也爱你，宝贝！
You might think I'm a little retarded, helping my mum send a message to myself? Hahaha.
She then urged me to send a message to my dad as well. Hahaha honestly, I was closer to my mum than my dad. If I haven't told my mum that I love her for 3 years now, how long has it been for my dad?
'i love you too son'
Tears welled up again as my mum stood beside me. She read this very post in it's pre-published form and told me how she was reminded about herself and her father.
She continued telling me how she wasn't particularly close with grandpa and how she regrets not being able to accompany him in his final hours... And only managed to plant a kiss on his forehead overdue.
Speaking on, she started sobbing herself.
Soon, my sister saw us. She too read my unborn blog post.
Talking and talking. We ended up laying on our mum's chest sobbing.
Let's make up for lost time. It's not too late yet.
---
Family,
-Parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not.
This show made me break my blogging hiatus.
That alone speaks how highly I rate this.
It surely has changed my life for the better, I hope it does for you too.
Remember.
Treasure what's before you.
Love your family and friends.
Trust them.
Care for them.
Help them.
Let them help you.
Love them.
Never lie.
Never steal.
Never betray.
Never fabricate.
Never destroy.
Never take what's not yours.
NEVER play with feelings.
NEVER fiddle with emotions and trust.
NEVER hurt your loved ones.
Above all else...
Before it's to late.
Let them know,
You love them.
For time consumes all.
My family and friends,
Sorry for my wrongdoings.
Thank you for being there for me.
I love you all.
If you've spent time reading these emotions poured out from my heart.
Why not hug your family and tell them 'I love you' today?
I did it. Your turn?
I think. It's worth every single nanosecond spent.
Moonlight Resonance.
Words can't describe what I feel about this show.
Never have I ever been impacted this much by a single series.
Until now, the "atmosphere" (lack of a better word) still lingers in my heart.
I have always boasted about being a guy who hardly ever cries. But, watching this show, I cried at least twice in the last three days.
Each day I watched til morning. Even forgoing playing games.
Several times, I was angered. I punched tables.
Several times, I cried. Touched.
Many times, I felt like I wanted to just rush to my mother's arms and hug her, and tell her how much I love her.
Many times, I despaired. Why isn't my family as tightly knitted?
I was envious.
I admit, I've never felt my family bonds were very strong. Deep in my heart, I've always been longing for sisters/brothers closer to my age, or even younger ones, perhaps I was even searching for that in friends. But I pondered while studying, was that really the matter?
I pondered, and pondered. I knew I could not study that evening. Not a chance. I was too distracted. I took out my phone. I sent a message to my mum.
妈，我爱你！
I sat there, staring at my book as my mind flew elsewhere, while my friends around me were studying in that awkward silence.
Honestly, it flew across my mind at times...
This silence... It was too scary... I thought for a moment I was sitting around strangers.
Images from the show flickered in my thoughts.
How... Stark......
Our lives... Isn't it... Ordinary? I understand, it's a TV show. But... Is reality really so much a big difference? I'm unwilling to believe that.
My childhood.... I hardly have any recollection about my siblings about them back then... When I was small, I was too small to understand. And when I was older, they were already far ahead. Very far ahead. I was left in the shadows again... The three of them studied in the same school, I wonder how it felt?
As I ventured further down Ponderland, I asked myself more questions, questions that I wasn't sure how to answer myself.
Why?
...
How?
...
When?
...
Can I?
---
Prior to writing this paragraph, my mum walked down the stairs and sat on the couch.
I looked her way, gazing at her back.
Something told me I should go to her side and hug her.
I did just that. And kissed her on the forehead.
I said "I love you."
And it struck me.
This must have been the first time I have ever said those 3 words verbally for the past 3 or so years.
However hard I recall, I can't remember a time where I said that to her face during my secondary school years.
I cried once again, in my mother's arms.
When I walked down the stairs after bathing. I saw my mum looking at her phone. She was trying to reply my message in chinese but did not know how to operate it.
I told her she could just tell me, but she insisted on sending a message. With a little help from me. She managed to.
妈妈也爱你，宝贝！
You might think I'm a little retarded, helping my mum send a message to myself? Hahaha.
She then urged me to send a message to my dad as well. Hahaha honestly, I was closer to my mum than my dad. If I haven't told my mum that I love her for 3 years now, how long has it been for my dad?
'i love you too son'
Tears welled up again as my mum stood beside me. She read this very post in it's pre-published form and told me how she was reminded about herself and her father.
She continued telling me how she wasn't particularly close with grandpa and how she regrets not being able to accompany him in his final hours... And only managed to plant a kiss on his forehead overdue.
Speaking on, she started sobbing herself.
Soon, my sister saw us. She too read my unborn blog post.
Talking and talking. We ended up laying on our mum's chest sobbing.
Let's make up for lost time. It's not too late yet.
---
Family,
-Parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not.
This show made me break my blogging hiatus.
That alone speaks how highly I rate this.
It surely has changed my life for the better, I hope it does for you too.
Remember.
Treasure what's before you.
Love your family and friends.
Trust them.
Care for them.
Help them.
Let them help you.
Love them.
Never lie.
Never steal.
Never betray.
Never fabricate.
Never destroy.
Never take what's not yours.
NEVER play with feelings.
NEVER fiddle with emotions and trust.
NEVER hurt your loved ones.
Above all else...
Before it's to late.
Let them know,
You love them.
For time consumes all.
My family and friends,
Sorry for my wrongdoings.
Thank you for being there for me.
I love you all.
If you've spent time reading these emotions poured out from my heart.
Why not hug your family and tell them 'I love you' today?
I did it. Your turn?
Friday, August 1, 2008
Time, a one way traffic.
Time only moves in one direction. It's improbable, impossible, and unfathomable to think otherwise.
Clocks can be unwind, but time itself can not. After all, a clock is just an instrument to measure time, as much as it has become the embodiment of time itself.
With that said, there's a few things I want to say...
"Was" does not mean "Is"; similarly, "Is" does not mean "Will be".
Never had, never will.
What I'm trying to say is: Through the trials of time, things change. Be it people, objects. Inanimate or not, they change.
Ancient monuments crumble after thousands of years, humans age and grow old as time goes on.
This is the concept of Change.
Things are guaranteed to change, as I said. It's just a matter of how much, how drastic, when?
Could be now, could be later, could be sooner.
Nevertheless there'll be a change, be it by picometres or nanoseconds, they will.
The sky today may just be pale blue, signaling a bad day, a moody day, a rainy day - whatever.
However, it will change.
Few days later, who knows? It might be the brightest day ever, with rays of light shimmering over the horizon, bringing hope to people around the globe.
Bad things don't stay forever.
It is utterly pointless, useless and stupid to dwell in the past for far too long, moreover painful incidents.
It's good, if not wonderful to reminisce once in a while, but if you consistently just wish that you could turn back the pendulum, chasing your past, all you are doing is letting go of opportunities that are ahead of you.
So the old days were good, but who said the future wouldn't be better?
Take your chances.
Grab it with both hands.
Never. Look. Back.
And perhaps, you will turn out happier after all.
Clocks can be unwind, but time itself can not. After all, a clock is just an instrument to measure time, as much as it has become the embodiment of time itself.
With that said, there's a few things I want to say...
"Was" does not mean "Is"; similarly, "Is" does not mean "Will be".
Never had, never will.
What I'm trying to say is: Through the trials of time, things change. Be it people, objects. Inanimate or not, they change.
Ancient monuments crumble after thousands of years, humans age and grow old as time goes on.
This is the concept of Change.
Things are guaranteed to change, as I said. It's just a matter of how much, how drastic, when?
Could be now, could be later, could be sooner.
Nevertheless there'll be a change, be it by picometres or nanoseconds, they will.
The sky today may just be pale blue, signaling a bad day, a moody day, a rainy day - whatever.
However, it will change.
Few days later, who knows? It might be the brightest day ever, with rays of light shimmering over the horizon, bringing hope to people around the globe.
Bad things don't stay forever.
It is utterly pointless, useless and stupid to dwell in the past for far too long, moreover painful incidents.
It's good, if not wonderful to reminisce once in a while, but if you consistently just wish that you could turn back the pendulum, chasing your past, all you are doing is letting go of opportunities that are ahead of you.
So the old days were good, but who said the future wouldn't be better?
Take your chances.
Grab it with both hands.
Never. Look. Back.
And perhaps, you will turn out happier after all.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Zack and Cecil.
Wow I really suck when it comes to understanding girls. Shocking discovery. =="
I am starting to think I have split personality. BAD.
Lazy talk, since when I was...
I was...
Might update again. Might not. Babai...
I am starting to think I have split personality. BAD.
Lazy talk, since when I was...
I was...
Might update again. Might not. Babai...
Monday, July 7, 2008
Happy People.
Sempena all the emos lately, I hope I can bring laughter to you all through my collection of jokes, if only for a few seconds. :)
Hahahaha, but of course, that's if you people still read this isolated piece of junk that has hardly seen any articles penned down for nearly a month or so.
I might plot a comeback, but don't bet on it.
DISCLAIMER: SOME OF THESE ARE RATHER SICK. AT YOUR OWN RISK PLEASE.
-------
Aging Explorer
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I shit in my pants.
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went ROARRRR!"
-------
Soldier on the Run
A soldier was running down the road, and came to a fork in the road, where he saw a nun standing there. Out of breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirt for a few minutes? I'll explain WHY later."
The nun agreed. Just a moment later, two Military Police came running along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here??"
The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MP's disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq."
The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear."
The soldier added, "I hope you don't think I'm rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls. I don't want to go to Iraq either!"
-------
3 Roosters
1 normal, 1 retarded and 1 gay.
Normal : cock-a-doodle-dooo !!!
Retarded : doodle-cock-a-dooo !!!
Gay : any-cock-will dooo !!!
-------
Seminarians
Ten seminarians are about to be ordained as priests. As a last test; the seminarians would be lined up buck naked and with a small bell tied to their penis. A naked lady would then parade in front of each seminarian. If the bell rings then they are having impure thoughts and would be denied priesthood. The woman pranced around in front of each seminarian but no bell rung.
The superiors were satisfied with this and were very happy. Suddenly; one of the bells came loose and clattered on the floor. The embarassed seminarian bent down to pick it up and suddenly all nine bells rang....
-------
Eccentric Professor
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
----------
Screw Or Swim
Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the counter with a great big smile on his face.
Dave says "John what are you so happy for?"
"Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here!
She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Dave. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Dave, she couldn't swim!!."
The next day Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the counter with a bigger smile on his face.
Dave says "What are you so happy about today John?"
"Well Dave... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blonde came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' "Sure you can have a ride in my boat." So I took her way out, Dave, way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim!!, Dave, she couldn't swim!!!!."
A couple days pass and Dave walks into a bar and sees John down there crying over a beer.
Dave says "John, what are you so sad for?"
"Well Dave, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me... tits WAY out to here, Dave, tits WAY out to here. I had more wood than my boat does. She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" "Sure you can have a ride in my boat." So I took her way out, Dave, way WAY out... much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said 'Its either screw or swim!!'. Then, she pulled down her pants.... she had a dick, Dave !!! She had a great BIG dick!!! .....
and.... Dave, ..... I CAN'T SWIM!!!"
------------
Chinese Laundry
A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes :
"USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"
She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note:
"USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"
The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from him:
"I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!"
-------
Swollen
Don't laugh!" said the patient
"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again.
Now...what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen," the patient replied.
---------
Ugly Bus
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."
------------
What did he name them?
An unmarried woman is newly pregnant and gets into an auto accident. She suffers a head injury and lapses into a coma for nine months. When she awakens in the hospital, she panics and asks about her baby.
Her doctor is called in and gives her a mild sedative, then he sits down to answer her questions. "I'm so happy to see you recovering", he says. The woman responds, "Thank you doctor, but what about my baby? Is everything all right?" He replies, "Yes, despite your injury, we were able to perform a fairly normal delivery procedure."
"In fact," he goes on, "you've given birth to twins - a boy and a girl". The woman is very happy and asks when she can see her new babies. The doctor replies, "Right away, but we've already sent the infants home with your brother. We'll call and tell him you're okay. While you were unconscious, your brother took care of everything for you. He even gave the babies names."
At this point, the woman gets upset, "Doctor, my brother is an idiot! What name did he give my little girl?" The doctor answered that her name was Denise. "Oh, Denise, that's not so bad. What name did he give my boy?" The doctor answered, "Denephew".
------------
Some of these are rather old. But worthy of a chuckle nevertheless. :D
Liesa: Whatever you're facing, remember that me, waiwai, jou and the rest will always be by your side. We'll be there for you. :)
Junyen: Rise and shine, pretty. Don't feel so upset, you're not in the wrong and we'll stand up for you and together we'll face whatever may come. :D
Pou: Not sure what happened, but cheer up! :)
Clara: I don't really know you well, but your blog has been really melancholic. Perhaps you should smile a little more? What's a cheerleader that's not cheerful? :)
Bai bai blog.
Hahahaha, but of course, that's if you people still read this isolated piece of junk that has hardly seen any articles penned down for nearly a month or so.
I might plot a comeback, but don't bet on it.
DISCLAIMER: SOME OF THESE ARE RATHER SICK. AT YOUR OWN RISK PLEASE.
-------
Aging Explorer
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I shit in my pants.
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went ROARRRR!"
-------
Soldier on the Run
A soldier was running down the road, and came to a fork in the road, where he saw a nun standing there. Out of breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirt for a few minutes? I'll explain WHY later."
The nun agreed. Just a moment later, two Military Police came running along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here??"
The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MP's disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq."
The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear."
The soldier added, "I hope you don't think I'm rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls. I don't want to go to Iraq either!"
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3 Roosters
1 normal, 1 retarded and 1 gay.
Normal : cock-a-doodle-dooo !!!
Retarded : doodle-cock-a-dooo !!!
Gay : any-cock-will dooo !!!
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Seminarians
Ten seminarians are about to be ordained as priests. As a last test; the seminarians would be lined up buck naked and with a small bell tied to their penis. A naked lady would then parade in front of each seminarian. If the bell rings then they are having impure thoughts and would be denied priesthood. The woman pranced around in front of each seminarian but no bell rung.
The superiors were satisfied with this and were very happy. Suddenly; one of the bells came loose and clattered on the floor. The embarassed seminarian bent down to pick it up and suddenly all nine bells rang....
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Eccentric Professor
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
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Screw Or Swim
Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the counter with a great big smile on his face.
Dave says "John what are you so happy for?"
"Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here!
She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Dave. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Dave, she couldn't swim!!."
The next day Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the counter with a bigger smile on his face.
Dave says "What are you so happy about today John?"
"Well Dave... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blonde came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' "Sure you can have a ride in my boat." So I took her way out, Dave, way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim!!, Dave, she couldn't swim!!!!."
A couple days pass and Dave walks into a bar and sees John down there crying over a beer.
Dave says "John, what are you so sad for?"
"Well Dave, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me... tits WAY out to here, Dave, tits WAY out to here. I had more wood than my boat does. She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" "Sure you can have a ride in my boat." So I took her way out, Dave, way WAY out... much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said 'Its either screw or swim!!'. Then, she pulled down her pants.... she had a dick, Dave !!! She had a great BIG dick!!! .....
and.... Dave, ..... I CAN'T SWIM!!!"
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Chinese Laundry
A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes :
"USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"
She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note:
"USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"
The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from him:
"I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!"
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Swollen
Don't laugh!" said the patient
"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again.
Now...what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen," the patient replied.
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Ugly Bus
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."
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What did he name them?
An unmarried woman is newly pregnant and gets into an auto accident. She suffers a head injury and lapses into a coma for nine months. When she awakens in the hospital, she panics and asks about her baby.
Her doctor is called in and gives her a mild sedative, then he sits down to answer her questions. "I'm so happy to see you recovering", he says. The woman responds, "Thank you doctor, but what about my baby? Is everything all right?" He replies, "Yes, despite your injury, we were able to perform a fairly normal delivery procedure."
"In fact," he goes on, "you've given birth to twins - a boy and a girl". The woman is very happy and asks when she can see her new babies. The doctor replies, "Right away, but we've already sent the infants home with your brother. We'll call and tell him you're okay. While you were unconscious, your brother took care of everything for you. He even gave the babies names."
At this point, the woman gets upset, "Doctor, my brother is an idiot! What name did he give my little girl?" The doctor answered that her name was Denise. "Oh, Denise, that's not so bad. What name did he give my boy?" The doctor answered, "Denephew".
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Some of these are rather old. But worthy of a chuckle nevertheless. :D
Liesa: Whatever you're facing, remember that me, waiwai, jou and the rest will always be by your side. We'll be there for you. :)
Junyen: Rise and shine, pretty. Don't feel so upset, you're not in the wrong and we'll stand up for you and together we'll face whatever may come. :D
Pou: Not sure what happened, but cheer up! :)
Clara: I don't really know you well, but your blog has been really melancholic. Perhaps you should smile a little more? What's a cheerleader that's not cheerful? :)
Bai bai blog.
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