Wednesday, February 20, 2008

t3h chinez nuuw yarz!
















This is interesting.

I'm glad that two among you eighteen (11%) have had a good CNY. I bet you people had fun winning lots of money and opening lots of Ang Paus.

Speaking of angpaus. I heard a joke off the radio recently. It's Cantonese originally but I'll translate.

"Go san nin lor, bat yu lei zheong yat gor dai dai geh hong bao fong bei mor leh!"
"Mou man tai, mo bao geh hong pau bat lou dou hai hou dai geh."
"Wah, zan hei hou hoi sam ah!"
"Haha, goh hong bao fong dai zeh ma, mo yong manila kad pin jip geh!"



[It's CNY, how about you give me a big ang pau?]
[No problem, I always give big ang paus.]
[Wow, I'm overjoyed!]
[Haha, it's just the ang pau packet that's big! I folded it with a manila card!]


As usual, jokes sound best in their original form. So the hilarity has been greatly reduced.




Conversely (much thanks to Cik. Rohini *cough* *cough*), I feel sad for the zero out of eighteen people (0%) that did not have a good year. It must have been tough with the sleepless nights due to crazy fireworks that your happy counterparts have set off and losing so much money that your happy counterparts won.

I bet you're bearing a grudge against them now. :(

It's okay, after all, WAI IZ LAK ON DEYAR SAID!?!?!?!

Yep, blame it all on luck. It's the golden rule of gambling. And it is split into two parts.

[sarcasmmode:on]
One: When you're winning.
1) It's not that you're unlucky, but because I have the skills.
2) I amjust too pro.
3) I never cheat, because it's cheap.
4) I am not cheap even if I cheat.

Two: When you're losing.
1) It's not because I don't have skills, but because I am really freaking damn unlucky.
2) They are cheating.
3) They are cheap.
4) It was lagging.
7) Everyone is gay:

Before the Internet was invented, gay people were those in society who were attracted physically and emotionally to members of the same gender. Since the Internet, everyone and everything is gay. From the gun they use to kill you, to the voice they use to communicate with you, it is all gay, gay, gay. Lag is gay, snipers are gay, noobs are gay, people from other countries are gay, the countries they come from are gay, the ocean the country is surrounded by is gay, the fish in the ocean are gay, all sealife is gay, life is gay, gays are gay, gay gay gay. Gay.

Using the same one-syllable word to describe everything you don't like might not be an indicator of a varied vocabulary, but who cares? Words are gay.

*Stolen from a friend. At http://10sighdayo.blogspot.com

[sarcasmmode: off]





For the lone person (5%) which had a simply awesome CNY.

Only two possibilites.

1) You got laid.
2) You got laid twice.
2) You won the lottery.

No exceptions......


Unless you're a Kumar archetype.


...... Or maybe something else.




For the eleven people (61%) that thought the atmosphere was getting worse every year.

We're of the same.

DAMN, WHY AM I SO COMMON!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*SCREAMS UNFAIRNESS*

Am I doomed to be common? No I shall not be. I shall rise and step out of the "back up chinese guy" archetype.

Control your destiny!!!!
You dumb shit, there's like 10 Kumars that visit your blog. You must be the eleventh!
NO, STUPID VOICE SHUP UP! I AM NO KUMAR!
Wow, you can't even spell shut up properly.
YES I CAN! SHUI UP! SHUT UI! SHIP OP! ARGHHHHHHHH! SHIT UP!
Such an idiot. You're nothing but a mere noob.
UNPOSSIBLE!!!!!!
It's impossible you dumbass.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
You're destined to drown in the deepest abyss of despair and inferiority. You will never be the one that leads, always the one that lags behind and stares at the floor with low esteem.
That.... that... is not true!!!! I always walk up front with a bright smile!
That is nothing but a facade. You're a jackass.
But my name's Jill!
You're a Jillass.
:( *tear*

*Inspired by jung kiang.

(In case you can't make out what I was doing. It's a "internal struggle between my inner self and me.")

---
Make a change then. The atmosphere won't get better even if you complain but just sit back and do naught. Plan something fun with your cousins... A night adventure, firecrackers, bbq, or whatever. There's bound to be something to suit your taste.

eg: Me and my cousins are planning to roast our own dried meat. Affectionately called Ba Gua or Yok Gon or Rou Gan.





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WOW WHAT A COINCIDENCE! FOUR OF MY READERS (22%) PISSED IN THEIR PANTS THE DAY BEFORE!


Could you guys be spiritually connected or something? Wait. I meant pelvic-ally connected.

Dude A, let's call him Kumar.
Dude B, let's call him Najeb.
Dude C, let's call him Salleh.
Dudette D, let's call her Rohini.



That one fateful day, Cik Santaclaus Rohini was teaching her students her favourite and most proficient subject, English in Science and Technology (EST).

When Cik Rohini asked a question, a bewildered Kumar instinctively raised his hand.

Cik Rohini then said: "Class, this student here is really good, he raised his hands before I finished my, class listen, question. Class, you must learn from Kumar, class, he is a good student...

Kumar: "Erm, teacher....."

Rohini: "Hold on, don't interrupt... Class, you must always react fast! Yes, Kumar?"

Kumar: "Can I go to the toilet please?"

Rohini: "Yes boy, you may go whereever you want. Cik Rohini is powerless to stop you, but please be careful and watch out for the discipline teachers and our new headmistress. She is very strictkkkk! Hold on boy, I think it's best you don't go yet, you might be troubled if you get caught."

Kumar: "But teacher, I can't stand it anymore, even the great king from tamadun Mesopotamia, Gilgamesh of Uruk, goes to the toilet. So does the son of the Sun God, Amon Re of tamadun Mesir Purba! And the list goes on! We need toilet!"

Rohini: "Oh... Ermm... Okay."

Kumar: "Teacher you got any questions?"

Rohini: "No."

Kumar: "You understand?"

Rohini: "Yes."

Kumar: "Then I know I got to go already."


Kumar quickly rushes off out of the class. HOWEVER. SHOCKING!!!! Kumar stopped once away from sight, gave a smirk and said... "So easy...", and waled slowly, really slowly towards the toilet, wasting as much time as possible.

Cik Rohini was quick to continue her class, already asking another question. This time, Salleh was picked to answer.


Rohini: "What is the meaning of fatigue?"


Salleh answered in his usual squeaky voice.


Salleh: "The meaning of Physics? Mmmmhh.... Come from the Greek words "Physikos" that meant the study of nature."

Rohini: "Meant? Do you mean it is no longer the study of nature? And boy, you really have to brush up your English okay?"

Salleh: "Sorry, my language is not really good.... Can I go to the toilet? I got perut sakit."

Rohini: "Okay, go go go..."

Najeb: "Allah, gila betultu, tentu pergi pak toh dengan Kumar!"

Rohini: "English please? It's EST period."


Meanwhile... Salleh walked out of class. To his surprise, he found Kumar still walking ever so slowly towards the toilet and caught up in like... two steps?


Najeb: "AIYO CIKGU. GILA BETULLAH! SAYA PUN TAK PERCAYA TAPI SAYA NAMPAK MEREKA DUA PEGANG TANGAN! CIKGU BIAR SAYA PERGI CHECK!"

Rohini: "Okay baik, saya berikan tanggungjawab ini kepadamu."


And so, Najeb rushed off as well. Like Salleh, he caught up in no time with the duo. The three of them sighed at the same time and muttered "Idiots....".

They headed to the toilet. And finally reached there after a 10 minutes long walk. There they chatted while pissing away.


Kumar: "Eh our teacher. Not so bright la."

Salleh: "Ya, she are idiots."

Najeb: "GILA BETULLAH!"

Kumar: "I hope she pisses in her pants."

Salleh: "Pisses in her pants? Mmmmh.... I hopes so too."

Najeb: "GILA BETULLAH!"


*Meanwhile*


Ah Beng: "CIK ROHINI, YOUR PANTS IS WET!"


[Thus ends the story of the four who telepathically pissed in their pants together.]


THE END.

2 comments:

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