I will be away for a few days. Yeah... I'll be skipping exams.
A terrible tragedy befell my family.
My Maternal Grandfather recently passed away after a battle with illness.
I'll be returning to Ipoh tomorrow for the ceremony.
This only proves how frail and fragile life can be... Not that we didn't expect this day. No, we've long accepted that days like this will happen, to each and everyone of us. Regardless of age, as long as you're living, there will be a day where you finally leave. It's the cruel fact of life.
It's just that.... a week ago, I was still in Ipoh, and he was still quite alright, able to converse with the family and all, so this event really caught me by shock.
I'm just glad that my mother is alright, having said
"I'm happy, because my father looked peaceful."
when I confronted her.
We should treasure our loved ones, especially the elder ones, as the day will bound to come.
Until then, we shall cherish every single moment.
Treasure life.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
WHO'S THE BIGGER CAMWHORE!?
CONTESTANT A: LIM YAN YUN
We've seen her all too much. She is notorious for turning my handphone into a semi-camera.
This is yanyun, don't let her hold your phone.
CONTESTANT NUMBER TWO: ONG JOU EE
We've seen alot of her as well, she likes the camera so much she tried to steal my phone numerous times. Beware. Danger.
She made me so anger. No kidding. I was anger.
Act cute pula.
WILD CARD ENTRY ONE: LEE SHING YI
She is small kid. She likes camera.
"Zichuen, let's take picture."
"Koks, let take picture."
"Charlson, let's take picture."
.....
Lol. No comment. All of them were doing similar faces so I thought I'd complete the set.
WILD CARD ENTRY TWO: KUMAR BABA
HE IS EVERYBODY'S NEW BEST FRIEND. HIS SIGNATURE PHRASE IS "HAI GAIZ!"
For more info, visit http://heiskumar.blogspot.com
He is the black horse of the competition, I'd bet.
We've seen her all too much. She is notorious for turning my handphone into a semi-camera.
This is yanyun, don't let her hold your phone.
CONTESTANT NUMBER TWO: ONG JOU EE
We've seen alot of her as well, she likes the camera so much she tried to steal my phone numerous times. Beware. Danger.
She made me so anger. No kidding. I was anger.
Act cute pula.
WILD CARD ENTRY ONE: LEE SHING YI
She is small kid. She likes camera.
"Zichuen, let's take picture."
"Koks, let take picture."
"Charlson, let's take picture."
.....
Lol. No comment. All of them were doing similar faces so I thought I'd complete the set.
WILD CARD ENTRY TWO: KUMAR BABA
HE IS EVERYBODY'S NEW BEST FRIEND. HIS SIGNATURE PHRASE IS "HAI GAIZ!"
For more info, visit http://heiskumar.blogspot.com
He is the black horse of the competition, I'd bet.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Let's Ride the Sunlight.
[My first impression when I saw Yanyun]
......
Anyway....
Today was the Anugerah Cemerlang event. Nothing worth blogging about seriously. But oh well, I'll just write down the highlights.
HIGHLIGHT ONE: I did traffic with Zichuen, Jeremy, Choong Yean, and Samuel.
Five man team lol. Then we waited and waited.
They were damn damn late.
Ya, as I said, they were damn late and we had no time to waste, got back inside the school before the GDVIPs came.
*God Damn = GD
Anyhow, we thought the VIP got here at first, since there was a nice Mercedes coming in.
TO MY SHOCK. It was just the frigging driver.
.
.
.
......
No seriously, what's a driver doing inside a Mercedes without the owner?
No idea.
HIGHLIGHT TWO: FREAKING KUA ZHIONG ESCORT CONVOY!
*Kua Zhiong = exaggerated.
They needed 2 platoons of KRS and Pengakap, which makes 60+60=120 people, to escort the freaking VIP through the "RED CARPET" into the the tempat rehat.
Freaking time wasting I tell you.
They had rehearsals for two days and had 120 people stand under the blazing hot sun, just to do ONE(1) THING.
"Hormat, hormat ke depan, hormat. UP!"
*pause*
"UP!"
That's it.
Freaking time wasting I tell you. Did I mention they were DAMN late?
HIGHLIGHT THREE: THEY CONNED US AGAIN!
........... WHAT?
They are damn cool, seriously.
The gay envelope revealed this. And many people who were original overjoyed got thrown into the deepest abyss of despair after they received the "paper of vengeance" from the VIPs.
Let's take Ashley as an example.
Ashley: Yay, I can buy my shoes now.
*opens*
Ashley: .... There goes my shoes.
WHY GOD WHYYYY. WHY MUST WE PLUMMET INTO THE DEEP CANYON WHERE NO LIGHT CAN REACH? WHY MUST THEY LET US JUMP SO HIGH UP IN THE SKY BEFORE FIRING A GODDAMN ROCKET IN THE FORM OF A PAPER TO SHOOT US DOWN, DROWNING US IN A SURGE OF "OMGWTFBBQ WHAT IS THIS PAPER!?" BEFORE THEY CAN FINALLY RECOGNIZE US AS HUMANS AGAIN!?
This is bad, they haven't even given us the money we're supposed to receive from the government and now they're gonna postpone this too. What is the PIBG thinking. Geez.
----
And that's about it, I left soon after that, cuz there was nothing to do with me anymore, it was the PIBG AGM (Annual Grand Meeting or something) so I had no part to play in it.
Instead, sei joula took my phone and decided to contest with yanyun.
Sei joula looks pretty here, so unlike her.
Sei haoyon looks cute here, so unlike him.
*I intentionally spelt it that way.
Sei liQi look so yeng here, just like him.
...
Then it got a little out of control.
Fine, let's not turn this into a camfest.
And then. I realised something was wrong with my trophy...
WHO THE HECK IS YIP LI OI!?!?!?!?!
I can't imagine this.
Me: Hi, nice to meet you.
Girl: Hi, your name?
Me: Li Oi.
Girl: lolwut?
...........
Shall bring this issue up to Pn. Gan when I see her.
I guess, besides the spelling error, it looks quite nice.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
t3h chinez nuuw yarz!
This is interesting.
I'm glad that two among you eighteen (11%) have had a good CNY. I bet you people had fun winning lots of money and opening lots of Ang Paus.
Speaking of angpaus. I heard a joke off the radio recently. It's Cantonese originally but I'll translate.
"Go san nin lor, bat yu lei zheong yat gor dai dai geh hong bao fong bei mor leh!"
"Mou man tai, mo bao geh hong pau bat lou dou hai hou dai geh."
"Wah, zan hei hou hoi sam ah!"
"Haha, goh hong bao fong dai zeh ma, mo yong manila kad pin jip geh!"
[It's CNY, how about you give me a big ang pau?]
[No problem, I always give big ang paus.]
[Wow, I'm overjoyed!]
[Haha, it's just the ang pau packet that's big! I folded it with a manila card!]
As usual, jokes sound best in their original form. So the hilarity has been greatly reduced.
Conversely (much thanks to Cik. Rohini *cough* *cough*), I feel sad for the zero out of eighteen people (0%) that did not have a good year. It must have been tough with the sleepless nights due to crazy fireworks that your happy counterparts have set off and losing so much money that your happy counterparts won.
I bet you're bearing a grudge against them now. :(
It's okay, after all, WAI IZ LAK ON DEYAR SAID!?!?!?!
Yep, blame it all on luck. It's the golden rule of gambling. And it is split into two parts.
[sarcasmmode:on]
One: When you're winning.
1) It's not that you're unlucky, but because I have the skills.
2) I amjust too pro.
3) I never cheat, because it's cheap.
4) I am not cheap even if I cheat.
Two: When you're losing.
1) It's not because I don't have skills, but because I am really freaking damn unlucky.
2) They are cheating.
3) They are cheap.
7) Everyone is gay:
Before the Internet was invented, gay people were those in society who were attracted physically and emotionally to members of the same gender. Since the Internet, everyone and everything is gay. From the gun they use to kill you, to the voice they use to communicate with you, it is all gay, gay, gay. Lag is gay, snipers are gay, noobs are gay, people from other countries are gay, the countries they come from are gay, the ocean the country is surrounded by is gay, the fish in the ocean are gay, all sealife is gay, life is gay, gays are gay, gay gay gay. Gay.
Using the same one-syllable word to describe everything you don't like might not be an indicator of a varied vocabulary, but who cares? Words are gay.
*Stolen from a friend. At http://10sighdayo.blogspot.com
[sarcasmmode: off]
For the lone person (5%) which had a simply awesome CNY.
Only two possibilites.
1) You got laid.
2) You won the lottery.
No exceptions......
Unless you're a Kumar archetype.
...... Or maybe something else.
For the eleven people (61%) that thought the atmosphere was getting worse every year.
We're of the same.
DAMN, WHY AM I SO COMMON!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*SCREAMS UNFAIRNESS*
Am I doomed to be common? No I shall not be. I shall rise and step out of the "back up chinese guy" archetype.
Control your destiny!!!!
You dumb shit, there's like 10 Kumars that visit your blog. You must be the eleventh!
NO, STUPID VOICE SHUP UP! I AM NO KUMAR!
Wow, you can't even spell shut up properly.
YES I CAN! SHUI UP! SHUT UI! SHIP OP! ARGHHHHHHHH! SHIT UP!
Such an idiot. You're nothing but a mere noob.
UNPOSSIBLE!!!!!!
It's impossible you dumbass.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
You're destined to drown in the deepest abyss of despair and inferiority. You will never be the one that leads, always the one that lags behind and stares at the floor with low esteem.
That.... that... is not true!!!! I always walk up front with a bright smile!
That is nothing but a facade. You're a jackass.
But my name's Jill!
You're a Jillass.
:( *tear*
*Inspired by jung kiang.
(In case you can't make out what I was doing. It's a "internal struggle between my inner self and me.")
---
Make a change then. The atmosphere won't get better even if you complain but just sit back and do naught. Plan something fun with your cousins... A night adventure, firecrackers, bbq, or whatever. There's bound to be something to suit your taste.
eg: Me and my cousins are planning to roast our own dried meat. Affectionately called Ba Gua or Yok Gon or Rou Gan.
......
......
......
......
WOW WHAT A COINCIDENCE! FOUR OF MY READERS (22%) PISSED IN THEIR PANTS THE DAY BEFORE!
Could you guys be spiritually connected or something? Wait. I meant pelvic-ally connected.
Dude A, let's call him Kumar.
Dude B, let's call him Najeb.
Dude C, let's call him Salleh.
Dudette D, let's call her Rohini.
That one fateful day, Cik Santaclaus Rohini was teaching her students her favourite and most proficient subject, English in Science and Technology (EST).
When Cik Rohini asked a question, a bewildered Kumar instinctively raised his hand.
Cik Rohini then said: "Class, this student here is really good, he raised his hands before I finished my, class listen, question. Class, you must learn from Kumar, class, he is a good student...
Kumar: "Erm, teacher....."
Rohini: "Hold on, don't interrupt... Class, you must always react fast! Yes, Kumar?"
Kumar: "Can I go to the toilet please?"
Rohini: "Yes boy, you may go whereever you want. Cik Rohini is powerless to stop you, but please be careful and watch out for the discipline teachers and our new headmistress. She is very strictkkkk! Hold on boy, I think it's best you don't go yet, you might be troubled if you get caught."
Kumar: "But teacher, I can't stand it anymore, even the great king from tamadun Mesopotamia, Gilgamesh of Uruk, goes to the toilet. So does the son of the Sun God, Amon Re of tamadun Mesir Purba! And the list goes on! We need toilet!"
Rohini: "Oh... Ermm... Okay."
Kumar: "Teacher you got any questions?"
Rohini: "No."
Kumar: "You understand?"
Rohini: "Yes."
Kumar: "Then I know I got to go already."
Kumar quickly rushes off out of the class. HOWEVER. SHOCKING!!!! Kumar stopped once away from sight, gave a smirk and said... "So easy...", and waled slowly, really slowly towards the toilet, wasting as much time as possible.
Cik Rohini was quick to continue her class, already asking another question. This time, Salleh was picked to answer.
Rohini: "What is the meaning of fatigue?"
Salleh answered in his usual squeaky voice.
Salleh: "The meaning of Physics? Mmmmhh.... Come from the Greek words "Physikos" that meant the study of nature."
Rohini: "Meant? Do you mean it is no longer the study of nature? And boy, you really have to brush up your English okay?"
Salleh: "Sorry, my language is not really good.... Can I go to the toilet? I got perut sakit."
Rohini: "Okay, go go go..."
Najeb: "Allah, gila betultu, tentu pergi pak toh dengan Kumar!"
Rohini: "English please? It's EST period."
Meanwhile... Salleh walked out of class. To his surprise, he found Kumar still walking ever so slowly towards the toilet and caught up in like... two steps?
Najeb: "AIYO CIKGU. GILA BETULLAH! SAYA PUN TAK PERCAYA TAPI SAYA NAMPAK MEREKA DUA PEGANG TANGAN! CIKGU BIAR SAYA PERGI CHECK!"
Rohini: "Okay baik, saya berikan tanggungjawab ini kepadamu."
And so, Najeb rushed off as well. Like Salleh, he caught up in no time with the duo. The three of them sighed at the same time and muttered "Idiots....".
They headed to the toilet. And finally reached there after a 10 minutes long walk. There they chatted while pissing away.
Kumar: "Eh our teacher. Not so bright la."
Salleh: "Ya, she are idiots."
Najeb: "GILA BETULLAH!"
Kumar: "I hope she pisses in her pants."
Salleh: "Pisses in her pants? Mmmmh.... I hopes so too."
Najeb: "GILA BETULLAH!"
*Meanwhile*
Ah Beng: "CIK ROHINI, YOUR PANTS IS WET!"
[Thus ends the story of the four who telepathically pissed in their pants together.]
THE END.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
TO:
HuaJie and YanYun.
You're both sixteen and can do some stuff.
Yay for you.
Yanyun is especially happy since his ahpek is old enough too! She expressed her extreme happiness with a joyful jump and then humming the "Happy wife" song. She also constantly practices the "Nice wife" pose which is extremely difficult to master due to it's absurd amount of bowing and cheesy smiles.
Huajie on the other hand, has not found his ahsam yet. Sadly. He expressed his deep regrets by constantly staring at the mirror, wondering which cursed strand of hair was it that caused his loneliness. This was, of course, just an excuse to get a view of himself. Self pleasuring.
Hope you all like the picture!
Here's one for Jin Wai!
Word of advice for all you people.
You'll probably not regret it. After all, life is about meeting new challenges.
HuaJie and YanYun.
You're both sixteen and can do some stuff.
Yay for you.
Yanyun is especially happy since his ahpek is old enough too! She expressed her extreme happiness with a joyful jump and then humming the "Happy wife" song. She also constantly practices the "Nice wife" pose which is extremely difficult to master due to it's absurd amount of bowing and cheesy smiles.
Huajie on the other hand, has not found his ahsam yet. Sadly. He expressed his deep regrets by constantly staring at the mirror, wondering which cursed strand of hair was it that caused his loneliness. This was, of course, just an excuse to get a view of himself. Self pleasuring.
Hope you all like the picture!
Here's one for Jin Wai!
Word of advice for all you people.
You'll probably not regret it. After all, life is about meeting new challenges.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Random pictures. Some I edited, others I found.
And finally. We've found the answer to "Why did the chicken cross the road?".
(for some reason the .gif isn't moving. Click the picture.)
Thursday, February 14, 2008
LOTR.
I entered a series of copypasted Lord of the Rings' "jokes".
The order is:
THE SECRET DIARY OF ARAGORN SON OF ARATHORN Part 1
THE SECRET DIARY OF ARAGORN SON OF ARATHORN Part 2
THE SECRET DIARY OF LEGOLAS, SON OF WEENUS Part 1
THE SECRET DIARY OF LEGOLAS Part 2
THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF BOROMIR OF GONDOR
THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF FRODO BAGGINS
The order is:
THE SECRET DIARY OF ARAGORN SON OF ARATHORN Part 1
THE SECRET DIARY OF ARAGORN SON OF ARATHORN Part 2
THE SECRET DIARY OF LEGOLAS, SON OF WEENUS Part 1
THE SECRET DIARY OF LEGOLAS Part 2
THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF BOROMIR OF GONDOR
THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF FRODO BAGGINS
THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF SAMWISE GAMGEE
THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF SAMWISE GAMGEE
Day One:
Frodo stabbed by Morgul blade. Oh no! Pippin cried.
Told Pippin it would be all right as Mr. Frodo far too hot to die.
Did I say that out loud?
Day Three:
Have followed Mr. Frodo to Rivendell where Elves will heal him.
Gandalf told me to help poor unconscious Mr. Frodo get out of dirty clothes. So took clothes off him and gave him a bath. and another one.
Then gave him another bath. Gandalf came and told me six baths was quite enough, Samwise Gamgee.
Poncy old git probably hasn't taken a bath since the Second Age.
Day Four:
Wonder if it is time for Mr. Frodo to have another bath yet.
Day Five:
Elf bubble bath v. colorful and pretty.
Gandalf no fun at all.
*sulk*
Day Six:
Mr. Frodo awake! Is doing well although also seems concerned as to why his fingers are all wrinkled.
Decided not to tell him about all the baths.
Day Seven:
Snuck into Council of Elrond. Frodo offered to take Ring to Mordor.
Mr. Frodo is so brave, handsome, tall and wonderful!
Okay, so possibly isn't all that tall.
Day Eight:
Off to Mordor. Other members of Fellowship v. dodgy if you ask me.
Especially Boromir. "Teaching Merry and Pippin how to sword-fight" my Aunt Lobelia.
Obviously pervy hobbit-fancier who likes to roll around with small men in shorts.
Day Nine:
Aragorn just as pervy as Boromir. Obviously fancies Mr. Frodo. Will kill him if he tries anything.
Day Ten:
V. dark in Mines of Moria. Used flat edge of sword to whack Aragorn every time he tried to pinch Mr. Frodo in the dark.
Gandalf fell into bottomless pit.
Mr. Frodo said something later about pointy wizard hat, but did not understand it as am innocent young hobbit from Shire not versed in wordily ways.
Pippin says Legolas is shagging Gimli.
Ick.
Day Fifteen:
Lothlorien v. pretty. Blonde elf lady absolutely hitting on poor Mr. Frodo left, right and center.
Pippin agrees.
Told Pippin height difference would make relationship impossible.
Pippin said Mr. Frodo could stand on stilts.
Hate Pippin.
Day Twenty-Two:
Leaving Lothlorien. Bye-bye grabby elf lady.
Not sure where going exactly, but is obviously somewhere water-related, as have been given boats. Do not care really as long as get to share boat with Mr. Frodo.
Day Twenty-Three:
Boromir finally acted on pent-up lust for Mr.Frodo. Got shot down of course (hurrah!) but not before made spectacle of himself.
Claims was trying to take Ring so as to rule world and bring down evil, but we all know that's a big fib don't we.
Day Twenty-Four:
Boromir killed by orcs. Knew orcs good for something.
Frodo off to Mordor. Taking me along, hurrah!
Mr. Frodo needs cheering up as seems inexplicably sorry to say goodbye to Gimli, as well as is depressed and claims is now sure he will die a virgin in the barren wastelands of the Dark Lord's realm.
We will see about that.
Day One:
Frodo stabbed by Morgul blade. Oh no! Pippin cried.
Told Pippin it would be all right as Mr. Frodo far too hot to die.
Did I say that out loud?
Day Three:
Have followed Mr. Frodo to Rivendell where Elves will heal him.
Gandalf told me to help poor unconscious Mr. Frodo get out of dirty clothes. So took clothes off him and gave him a bath. and another one.
Then gave him another bath. Gandalf came and told me six baths was quite enough, Samwise Gamgee.
Poncy old git probably hasn't taken a bath since the Second Age.
Day Four:
Wonder if it is time for Mr. Frodo to have another bath yet.
Day Five:
Elf bubble bath v. colorful and pretty.
Gandalf no fun at all.
*sulk*
Day Six:
Mr. Frodo awake! Is doing well although also seems concerned as to why his fingers are all wrinkled.
Decided not to tell him about all the baths.
Day Seven:
Snuck into Council of Elrond. Frodo offered to take Ring to Mordor.
Mr. Frodo is so brave, handsome, tall and wonderful!
Okay, so possibly isn't all that tall.
Day Eight:
Off to Mordor. Other members of Fellowship v. dodgy if you ask me.
Especially Boromir. "Teaching Merry and Pippin how to sword-fight" my Aunt Lobelia.
Obviously pervy hobbit-fancier who likes to roll around with small men in shorts.
Day Nine:
Aragorn just as pervy as Boromir. Obviously fancies Mr. Frodo. Will kill him if he tries anything.
Day Ten:
V. dark in Mines of Moria. Used flat edge of sword to whack Aragorn every time he tried to pinch Mr. Frodo in the dark.
Gandalf fell into bottomless pit.
Mr. Frodo said something later about pointy wizard hat, but did not understand it as am innocent young hobbit from Shire not versed in wordily ways.
Pippin says Legolas is shagging Gimli.
Ick.
Day Fifteen:
Lothlorien v. pretty. Blonde elf lady absolutely hitting on poor Mr. Frodo left, right and center.
Pippin agrees.
Told Pippin height difference would make relationship impossible.
Pippin said Mr. Frodo could stand on stilts.
Hate Pippin.
Day Twenty-Two:
Leaving Lothlorien. Bye-bye grabby elf lady.
Not sure where going exactly, but is obviously somewhere water-related, as have been given boats. Do not care really as long as get to share boat with Mr. Frodo.
Day Twenty-Three:
Boromir finally acted on pent-up lust for Mr.Frodo. Got shot down of course (hurrah!) but not before made spectacle of himself.
Claims was trying to take Ring so as to rule world and bring down evil, but we all know that's a big fib don't we.
Day Twenty-Four:
Boromir killed by orcs. Knew orcs good for something.
Frodo off to Mordor. Taking me along, hurrah!
Mr. Frodo needs cheering up as seems inexplicably sorry to say goodbye to Gimli, as well as is depressed and claims is now sure he will die a virgin in the barren wastelands of the Dark Lord's realm.
We will see about that.
THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF FRODO BAGGINS:
THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF FRODO BAGGINS:
Day One:
Feeling much better in House of Elrond after nice long nap.
Also, Sam gave me fabulous backrub and bubble bath. Platonic, brotherly love so wonderful.
Wasn't quite entirely sure why he needed to suck on my toes, but am assured it has something to do with Elf medicine.
Day Three:
Have agreed to carry Ring to Mordor. In hindsight, probably a bad move.
Day Four:
Aragorn and Boromir had big fight over who got to carry me up Mount Caradhras. Aragorn shoved Boromir into snowbank.
Boromir bit Aragorn on the ear. Ring must be affecting them more seriously than I thought.
Day Six:
Woke up to find Aragorn playing with buttons on my shirt.
He must be after the Ring. Damn its siren call.
Ah well, Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
Day Ten:
Today Legolas began stroking my inner thigh with his bow.
Was stunned. Had no idea Legolas wanted the Ring too.
It must truly be an object of awesome power.
Day Eleven:
Gandalf showed me very strange trick he can do. Apparently pointy wizard hat not just for show.
Wonder if Ring is affecting him, or perhaps he is just v. peculiar.
Day 24:
Finally feel rested. Is too dark in Mines of Moria for Aragorn to find me and pinch me as he has been doing lately.
Gandalf fell into shadow. Was sad to see pointy hat go.
Day 27 :
Lothlorien so pretty. Galadriel pretty too. Offered her One Ring, but she kept saying, "No, there's something else I'd rather have from you,Frodo Baggins," and trying to slide foot up inside my breeches.
So, gave her my extra pair of breeches since she seemed fond of them.
Maybe some kind of breeches shortage in Lothlorien.
Day 30 :
Rowed all day in boats. V. tired. Merry and Pippin offered to give me a group massage. Nice to have such v. concerned friends. Glad Ring is not affecting them.
Although did not need back rubbed quite so much, nor other parts.
Pippin does remember we're cousins, right?
Right?
Day 33 :
Boromir tried to take the Ring. Am not entirely certain, but am fairly sure he also tried to have a little cuddle.
Was most unnerving, as Boromir quite huge.
Day 36 :
Everyone keeps hitting on me. Cannot cope. Off to Mordor.
Sam coming too. Good thing, as will enable me to have more of those platonic, brotherly foot massages he's so good at.
Am sad to leave rest of Company though, as found myself quite fancying the idea of shagging Gimli. Chunky braids and huge helmet quite a turn-on.
Ah, well, he never would have liked me anyway.
Day One:
Feeling much better in House of Elrond after nice long nap.
Also, Sam gave me fabulous backrub and bubble bath. Platonic, brotherly love so wonderful.
Wasn't quite entirely sure why he needed to suck on my toes, but am assured it has something to do with Elf medicine.
Day Three:
Have agreed to carry Ring to Mordor. In hindsight, probably a bad move.
Day Four:
Aragorn and Boromir had big fight over who got to carry me up Mount Caradhras. Aragorn shoved Boromir into snowbank.
Boromir bit Aragorn on the ear. Ring must be affecting them more seriously than I thought.
Day Six:
Woke up to find Aragorn playing with buttons on my shirt.
He must be after the Ring. Damn its siren call.
Ah well, Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
Day Ten:
Today Legolas began stroking my inner thigh with his bow.
Was stunned. Had no idea Legolas wanted the Ring too.
It must truly be an object of awesome power.
Day Eleven:
Gandalf showed me very strange trick he can do. Apparently pointy wizard hat not just for show.
Wonder if Ring is affecting him, or perhaps he is just v. peculiar.
Day 24:
Finally feel rested. Is too dark in Mines of Moria for Aragorn to find me and pinch me as he has been doing lately.
Gandalf fell into shadow. Was sad to see pointy hat go.
Day 27 :
Lothlorien so pretty. Galadriel pretty too. Offered her One Ring, but she kept saying, "No, there's something else I'd rather have from you,Frodo Baggins," and trying to slide foot up inside my breeches.
So, gave her my extra pair of breeches since she seemed fond of them.
Maybe some kind of breeches shortage in Lothlorien.
Day 30 :
Rowed all day in boats. V. tired. Merry and Pippin offered to give me a group massage. Nice to have such v. concerned friends. Glad Ring is not affecting them.
Although did not need back rubbed quite so much, nor other parts.
Pippin does remember we're cousins, right?
Right?
Day 33 :
Boromir tried to take the Ring. Am not entirely certain, but am fairly sure he also tried to have a little cuddle.
Was most unnerving, as Boromir quite huge.
Day 36 :
Everyone keeps hitting on me. Cannot cope. Off to Mordor.
Sam coming too. Good thing, as will enable me to have more of those platonic, brotherly foot massages he's so good at.
Am sad to leave rest of Company though, as found myself quite fancying the idea of shagging Gimli. Chunky braids and huge helmet quite a turn-on.
Ah, well, he never would have liked me anyway.
THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF BOROMIR OF GONDOR
THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF BOROMIR OF GONDOR
Day One:
Went to Council of Elrond. Aragorn acting all superior as usual.
He thinks he's so great because he's shagging that bit of elf crumpet on the side.
I mean just because someone has a broad chest, firm, defined muscles, an outdoorsy tan and loads of manly stubble doesn't mean that....
what?
Got distracted there for a bit.
Seem to have agreed to go on some sort of mission while distracted by Aragorn's enormous...rudeness.
Ooops.
Day Three:
Stupid Ring, stupid Quest, stupid Fellowship.
Day Four:
Frodo dropped Ring today. Picked it up, but Aragorn made me give it back.
Arrogant bastard. Wonder how he'd feel with Horn of Gondor shoved right up his...
Stupid Ring.
Day Four:
Is obvious that Aragorn is strangely attracted to Frodo.
Ha Ha! Ha!
Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
Day Six:
Aragorn still into Frodo. "Boromir, give the Ring back to Froooodoo."
"Boromir, let *me* carry Frodo up Caradhras."
"Boromir, quit trying to cut off Frodo's head while he's asleep so you can get at the Ring."
Blatant favoritism most annoying.
Day Ten:
Why isn't Aragorn into me ?
Day Eleven:
Carried Frodo out of Mines of Moria.
Kind of liked it, actually.
Hope am not turning into pervy hobbit-fancier like Uncle Windermir.
Not after what happened to *him.* Merry and Pippin are cute little things, too...
In other news, Gandalf died.
Day 30:
In Lothlorien. Galadriel quite a babe. Feel sure she was attracted to my rugged yet unwashed manliness.
Legolas took a bath in her fountain. Got in trouble. Ha. Ha. Big elfy git.
Am quite sure he dyes his hair. Also, he has spot on his nose.
Aragorn suggested we take baths as well. Only realized in nick of time he did not mean with each other.
Stupid Aragorn.
Day 33 :
Frodo being all weird about the Ring. Won't even let me look at it.
Must admit I had a bit of a tussle with him trying to get a gander at it.
Rolled around on him till he went invisible. Resisted urge to have a little cuddle (made easier when he punched me in the face.)
Aragorn would be jealous. Ha!
Day 35:
Killed by orcs.
Stupid orcs.
Day One:
Went to Council of Elrond. Aragorn acting all superior as usual.
He thinks he's so great because he's shagging that bit of elf crumpet on the side.
I mean just because someone has a broad chest, firm, defined muscles, an outdoorsy tan and loads of manly stubble doesn't mean that....
what?
Got distracted there for a bit.
Seem to have agreed to go on some sort of mission while distracted by Aragorn's enormous...rudeness.
Ooops.
Day Three:
Stupid Ring, stupid Quest, stupid Fellowship.
Day Four:
Frodo dropped Ring today. Picked it up, but Aragorn made me give it back.
Arrogant bastard. Wonder how he'd feel with Horn of Gondor shoved right up his...
Stupid Ring.
Day Four:
Is obvious that Aragorn is strangely attracted to Frodo.
Ha Ha! Ha!
Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
Day Six:
Aragorn still into Frodo. "Boromir, give the Ring back to Froooodoo."
"Boromir, let *me* carry Frodo up Caradhras."
"Boromir, quit trying to cut off Frodo's head while he's asleep so you can get at the Ring."
Blatant favoritism most annoying.
Day Ten:
Why isn't Aragorn into me ?
Day Eleven:
Carried Frodo out of Mines of Moria.
Kind of liked it, actually.
Hope am not turning into pervy hobbit-fancier like Uncle Windermir.
Not after what happened to *him.* Merry and Pippin are cute little things, too...
In other news, Gandalf died.
Day 30:
In Lothlorien. Galadriel quite a babe. Feel sure she was attracted to my rugged yet unwashed manliness.
Legolas took a bath in her fountain. Got in trouble. Ha. Ha. Big elfy git.
Am quite sure he dyes his hair. Also, he has spot on his nose.
Aragorn suggested we take baths as well. Only realized in nick of time he did not mean with each other.
Stupid Aragorn.
Day 33 :
Frodo being all weird about the Ring. Won't even let me look at it.
Must admit I had a bit of a tussle with him trying to get a gander at it.
Rolled around on him till he went invisible. Resisted urge to have a little cuddle (made easier when he punched me in the face.)
Aragorn would be jealous. Ha!
Day 35:
Killed by orcs.
Stupid orcs.
THE SECRET DIARY OF LEGOLAS Part 2
THE SECRET DIARY OF LEGOLAS Part 2
Day One:
Whee!
Day Two:
I like to run!
Day Three:
I look good when I run!
Day Four:
I also look good standing still. Running across Riddermark v. good excercise. I swear my butt has just gotten firmer. Is that even possible?
Day Six:
Is Gimli staring at my butt?
Day Seven:
No wonder he's always lagging behind.
Day Eight:
Unnerving moment when bumped into Eomer. Thought he might be prettier than me until he took off helmet. Fortunately he looks like an aardvark. He hit on Gimli but I warned him right off. Nobody tries it on with my dwarf.
Am still the prettiest.
Day Nine:
Pile of dead and smoking Orc corpses so not pretty. Aragorn showed off and went on and on regarding hobbits laying about tied up. Do not know why he thinks kinky hobbit games so important.
Still prettiest.
Day Ten:
Bother! Fangorn Forest. Leaf mold terrible for my complexion.
Still prettiest but a bit on clammy, unwashed side.
Day Eleven:
Bumped into Gandalf who is all sparkly white now. Asked him, "Who do you have to blow to get last bottle of bleach in Middle Earth anyway?" Gandalf said, "The Balrog." So not worth it.
Am rethinking, though. Roots are showing.
Still prettiest although at this rate for how long?
Day Twelve:
Asked Gandalf for Balrog's number. Gandalf said I couldn't call him. I told him not to be jealous and posessive. He said he wasn't, it was just that he killed Balrog last week.
Note to self: never date Gandalf.
Day Fifteen:
Arrived in Edoras. V. upset. Suspect Eowyn may be prettier than me. Most unexpected as always thought shield-maidens were more hefty, pear-shaped types.
Not the prettiest! V. bitter.
Day Nineteen:
Aragorn stood up to Theoden today. Aragorn so butch. Have goosebumps.
Day Twenty:
Poke bonnet absolutely hideous. No longer even remotely pretty. Considering suicide.
Day Twenty-seven:
Exeunt Aragorn, pursued by wolves of Isengard. On con side: Am stuck with ugly necklace. On pro side: No longer have to wear poke bonnet. Am pretty again!
Day Twenty-nine:
Aragorn back. Apparently taking header off cliff not as deadly as one would have thought. Told him to throw me down and shag me senseless, but he just clapped me on the shoulder in a manly fashion and said, "Yeah, it can get a little chapped sometimes but just put some lotion on it."
Aragorn just kind of a wanker, really.
Day Twenty-Nine:
Battle of Helm's Deep so embarassing. If was not bad enough to face thought of death at the hands of smelly Orcs in backwater rural province, have now been saved at zero hour by Haldir showing up with really bad weave.
On plus side, Eowyn stuck in rancid cave. Perhaps will develop cave blight. Then I will be prettiest forever.
Day Thirty:
Battle over. Gandalf always fashionably late it seems. Hopes for after-battle quickie dashed because Aragorn sulking over postcard from Faramir. Is jealous over Ringbearer. Told him Sam will kill Faramir if he tries anything but Aragorn not cheered up.
Sod him. Have received suggestive note from Eomer. Will go see if what they say about men of Riddermark is actually true.
No one has bothered to get Eowyn out of cave yet. Still the prettiest by far!
Day One:
Whee!
Day Two:
I like to run!
Day Three:
I look good when I run!
Day Four:
I also look good standing still. Running across Riddermark v. good excercise. I swear my butt has just gotten firmer. Is that even possible?
Day Six:
Is Gimli staring at my butt?
Day Seven:
No wonder he's always lagging behind.
Day Eight:
Unnerving moment when bumped into Eomer. Thought he might be prettier than me until he took off helmet. Fortunately he looks like an aardvark. He hit on Gimli but I warned him right off. Nobody tries it on with my dwarf.
Am still the prettiest.
Day Nine:
Pile of dead and smoking Orc corpses so not pretty. Aragorn showed off and went on and on regarding hobbits laying about tied up. Do not know why he thinks kinky hobbit games so important.
Still prettiest.
Day Ten:
Bother! Fangorn Forest. Leaf mold terrible for my complexion.
Still prettiest but a bit on clammy, unwashed side.
Day Eleven:
Bumped into Gandalf who is all sparkly white now. Asked him, "Who do you have to blow to get last bottle of bleach in Middle Earth anyway?" Gandalf said, "The Balrog." So not worth it.
Am rethinking, though. Roots are showing.
Still prettiest although at this rate for how long?
Day Twelve:
Asked Gandalf for Balrog's number. Gandalf said I couldn't call him. I told him not to be jealous and posessive. He said he wasn't, it was just that he killed Balrog last week.
Note to self: never date Gandalf.
Day Fifteen:
Arrived in Edoras. V. upset. Suspect Eowyn may be prettier than me. Most unexpected as always thought shield-maidens were more hefty, pear-shaped types.
Not the prettiest! V. bitter.
Day Nineteen:
Aragorn stood up to Theoden today. Aragorn so butch. Have goosebumps.
Day Twenty:
Poke bonnet absolutely hideous. No longer even remotely pretty. Considering suicide.
Day Twenty-seven:
Exeunt Aragorn, pursued by wolves of Isengard. On con side: Am stuck with ugly necklace. On pro side: No longer have to wear poke bonnet. Am pretty again!
Day Twenty-nine:
Aragorn back. Apparently taking header off cliff not as deadly as one would have thought. Told him to throw me down and shag me senseless, but he just clapped me on the shoulder in a manly fashion and said, "Yeah, it can get a little chapped sometimes but just put some lotion on it."
Aragorn just kind of a wanker, really.
Day Twenty-Nine:
Battle of Helm's Deep so embarassing. If was not bad enough to face thought of death at the hands of smelly Orcs in backwater rural province, have now been saved at zero hour by Haldir showing up with really bad weave.
On plus side, Eowyn stuck in rancid cave. Perhaps will develop cave blight. Then I will be prettiest forever.
Day Thirty:
Battle over. Gandalf always fashionably late it seems. Hopes for after-battle quickie dashed because Aragorn sulking over postcard from Faramir. Is jealous over Ringbearer. Told him Sam will kill Faramir if he tries anything but Aragorn not cheered up.
Sod him. Have received suggestive note from Eomer. Will go see if what they say about men of Riddermark is actually true.
No one has bothered to get Eowyn out of cave yet. Still the prettiest by far!
THE SECRET DIARY OF LEGOLAS, SON OF WEENUS Part 1
THE SECRET DIARY OF LEGOLAS, SON OF WEENUS Part 1
Day One:
Went to Council of Elrond. Was prettiest person there. Agreed to follow some tiny little man to Mordor to throw ring into volcano.
Very important mission - gold ring so tacky.
Day Four:
Boromir so irritating. Why must he wear big shield like dinner plate all the time? Climbed up Caradhras but wimpy human who cannot walk on snow insisted we climb back down.
Am definitely prettiest member of the Fellowship.
Go me!
Day Six:
Far too dark in Mines of Moria to brush hair properly. Am very afraid I am developing a tangle.
Orcs so silly.
Still the prettiest.
Day Ten:
Gandalf fell into shadow. In other news, I think I am developing a spot on my nose. V. serious situation, as Elven spots likely to last for 500 years or more.
Still prettiest, despite blasted spot.
Day Eleven:
In Lothlorien. Suspect Galadriel may be prettier than me.
Also, am quite sure she copied my hairstyle. I was wearing that same look at least 1,000 years ago. Silly bint. She was most annoyed that I used her mirrored fountain to take a nice bubble bath.
I choose to ignore her claim that my hair clogged her drain. Not one strand of my hair has fallen out in 800 years, why would it start now?
Still prettiest by far.
Day 30:
All this paddling about in boats is hell on my complexion.
Aragorn obviously starting to find Frodo strangely attractive. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
Still the prettiest.
Day 33 :
Boromir tempted by Ring. So tedious. Cannot be tempted myself, as already have everything I want i.e. perfect hair and a butt like granite.
Have been getting very strange letters from someone calling herself "Stacey" who wants to do obscene things to my elfhood. Fortunately have super-duper elf vision so can run away if I see her coming.
Day 35:
Boromir dead. Very messy death, most unnecessary.
Did get kissed by Aragorn as he expired. Does a guy have to get shot full of arrows around here to get any action? Boromir definitely not prettier than me.
Cannot understand it.
Am feeling a pout coming on.
Frodo off to Mordor with Sam. Tiny little men caring about each other, rather cute really.
Am quite sure Gimli fancies me. So unfair. He is waist height, so can see advantages there, but chunky braids and big helmet most offputting.
Forsee dark times ahead, very dark times.
Day One:
Went to Council of Elrond. Was prettiest person there. Agreed to follow some tiny little man to Mordor to throw ring into volcano.
Very important mission - gold ring so tacky.
Day Four:
Boromir so irritating. Why must he wear big shield like dinner plate all the time? Climbed up Caradhras but wimpy human who cannot walk on snow insisted we climb back down.
Am definitely prettiest member of the Fellowship.
Go me!
Day Six:
Far too dark in Mines of Moria to brush hair properly. Am very afraid I am developing a tangle.
Orcs so silly.
Still the prettiest.
Day Ten:
Gandalf fell into shadow. In other news, I think I am developing a spot on my nose. V. serious situation, as Elven spots likely to last for 500 years or more.
Still prettiest, despite blasted spot.
Day Eleven:
In Lothlorien. Suspect Galadriel may be prettier than me.
Also, am quite sure she copied my hairstyle. I was wearing that same look at least 1,000 years ago. Silly bint. She was most annoyed that I used her mirrored fountain to take a nice bubble bath.
I choose to ignore her claim that my hair clogged her drain. Not one strand of my hair has fallen out in 800 years, why would it start now?
Still prettiest by far.
Day 30:
All this paddling about in boats is hell on my complexion.
Aragorn obviously starting to find Frodo strangely attractive. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
Still the prettiest.
Day 33 :
Boromir tempted by Ring. So tedious. Cannot be tempted myself, as already have everything I want i.e. perfect hair and a butt like granite.
Have been getting very strange letters from someone calling herself "Stacey" who wants to do obscene things to my elfhood. Fortunately have super-duper elf vision so can run away if I see her coming.
Day 35:
Boromir dead. Very messy death, most unnecessary.
Did get kissed by Aragorn as he expired. Does a guy have to get shot full of arrows around here to get any action? Boromir definitely not prettier than me.
Cannot understand it.
Am feeling a pout coming on.
Frodo off to Mordor with Sam. Tiny little men caring about each other, rather cute really.
Am quite sure Gimli fancies me. So unfair. He is waist height, so can see advantages there, but chunky braids and big helmet most offputting.
Forsee dark times ahead, very dark times.
THE SECRET DIARY OF ARAGORN SON OF ARATHORN Part 2
Day One
Ran forty miles across Rohan. No squirrels to eat. Gimli looking about roasting size. Have been told dwarf tastes like chicken. Still not King.
Stubble update: satisfactory.
Day Two
Ran into army of Rohirrim. Asked Eomer if he knew where hobbits were. Got v. cagey answer. Perhaps Eomer still mad about that last bender I went on where I painted rude words in Elvish all over his horse. Decided not to mention he has obviously copied hairstyle from Legolas. He wouldn't be giving me this attitude if I were King.
Day Three
Once you've seen one pile of smoking dead Orcs, you've seen 'em all. That's all I'm sayin.'
Day Four
Ran into Gandalf. Turns out he did not actually die but instead was forced by Balrog to sell out to laundry detergent company and is now Gandalf the Sparkly White. PR whore. Next thing he'll be charging for pointy hat trick.
Day Six
In Edoras. King Theoden giving me attitude. He was all, "Are you King here? Last time I checked, I was King here. I'm lookin' around and I don't see anyone else with a crown on his head. Eh? Eh?"
Was forced to admit I am indeed still not King.
In revenge, stole his wallet when he was not looking and used it to open charge account at Gap of Rohan. Have bought matching poke bonnets for Gimli and Legolas.
Day Seven
Suspect Eowyn fancies me. Cannot blame her as stubble so manly is turning even self on.
Day Nine
Fell over cliff. Stupid wolves of Isengard. Think was rescued by Arwen but when woke up was kissing my horse. Bit of a squick there. Have lost favorite sparkly necklace in river. Feeling v. petulant as there is no such thing as bad jewelry. Well, maybe Ring.
Stubble update: wet.
Day Twelve
Triumphant return to Helm's Deep. Got hugged by Gimli. As if I needed to be reminded that he is belt buckle height yet again. Necklace returned to me by Legolas, yay! He muttered something in Elvish that could have been "You're late" or could have been "Throw me down and shag me rotten." Not entirely sure which. Must brush up on Elvish as do not wish to presume.
Still not King but too busy keeping up men's morale to brood. Upcoming battle should be piece of cake, really.
Day Fourteen
Standing on battlements of Helm's Deep. Absolutely ridiculous number of Orcs headed this way. Who are we kidding anyway. We are so fucked. Perhaps this place has a side door.
Day Fourteen, Later
Elves have sent army of most willowy and graceful warriors to assist us. Will be no use at fighting of course but at least I will die looking at something pretty. Theoden keeps muttering, "It's unbelievable!" about elf army. Was forced to agree --it is unbelievable that Haldir's eyebrows do not match his weave.
Keep trying to sneak out side door, but Gimli following me everywhere. Will never be King at this rate.
Day Fifteen
Unexpectedly victorious in battle of Helm's Deep, but celebration ruined by obnoxious postcard from Faramir, which included picture of himself on beaches of Osgiliath with tiny Ringbearer and fat companion, sharing a pina colada and wearing colorful shorts. Postcard reads:
Dear Aragorn,
Thanks for the Ring and the hobbits. They are small, but v. bendy. Just what I always wanted! Still have fond memories of that night we spent together in Minas Tirith. Love and kisses, Faramir.
God damn Faramir. Might as well just have let Boromir have the Ring and cut out the middleman. At least I know Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
Still not King.
Ran forty miles across Rohan. No squirrels to eat. Gimli looking about roasting size. Have been told dwarf tastes like chicken. Still not King.
Stubble update: satisfactory.
Day Two
Ran into army of Rohirrim. Asked Eomer if he knew where hobbits were. Got v. cagey answer. Perhaps Eomer still mad about that last bender I went on where I painted rude words in Elvish all over his horse. Decided not to mention he has obviously copied hairstyle from Legolas. He wouldn't be giving me this attitude if I were King.
Day Three
Once you've seen one pile of smoking dead Orcs, you've seen 'em all. That's all I'm sayin.'
Day Four
Ran into Gandalf. Turns out he did not actually die but instead was forced by Balrog to sell out to laundry detergent company and is now Gandalf the Sparkly White. PR whore. Next thing he'll be charging for pointy hat trick.
Day Six
In Edoras. King Theoden giving me attitude. He was all, "Are you King here? Last time I checked, I was King here. I'm lookin' around and I don't see anyone else with a crown on his head. Eh? Eh?"
Was forced to admit I am indeed still not King.
In revenge, stole his wallet when he was not looking and used it to open charge account at Gap of Rohan. Have bought matching poke bonnets for Gimli and Legolas.
Day Seven
Suspect Eowyn fancies me. Cannot blame her as stubble so manly is turning even self on.
Day Nine
Fell over cliff. Stupid wolves of Isengard. Think was rescued by Arwen but when woke up was kissing my horse. Bit of a squick there. Have lost favorite sparkly necklace in river. Feeling v. petulant as there is no such thing as bad jewelry. Well, maybe Ring.
Stubble update: wet.
Day Twelve
Triumphant return to Helm's Deep. Got hugged by Gimli. As if I needed to be reminded that he is belt buckle height yet again. Necklace returned to me by Legolas, yay! He muttered something in Elvish that could have been "You're late" or could have been "Throw me down and shag me rotten." Not entirely sure which. Must brush up on Elvish as do not wish to presume.
Still not King but too busy keeping up men's morale to brood. Upcoming battle should be piece of cake, really.
Day Fourteen
Standing on battlements of Helm's Deep. Absolutely ridiculous number of Orcs headed this way. Who are we kidding anyway. We are so fucked. Perhaps this place has a side door.
Day Fourteen, Later
Elves have sent army of most willowy and graceful warriors to assist us. Will be no use at fighting of course but at least I will die looking at something pretty. Theoden keeps muttering, "It's unbelievable!" about elf army. Was forced to agree --it is unbelievable that Haldir's eyebrows do not match his weave.
Keep trying to sneak out side door, but Gimli following me everywhere. Will never be King at this rate.
Day Fifteen
Unexpectedly victorious in battle of Helm's Deep, but celebration ruined by obnoxious postcard from Faramir, which included picture of himself on beaches of Osgiliath with tiny Ringbearer and fat companion, sharing a pina colada and wearing colorful shorts. Postcard reads:
Dear Aragorn,
Thanks for the Ring and the hobbits. They are small, but v. bendy. Just what I always wanted! Still have fond memories of that night we spent together in Minas Tirith. Love and kisses, Faramir.
God damn Faramir. Might as well just have let Boromir have the Ring and cut out the middleman. At least I know Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
Still not King.
THE SECRET DIARY OF ARAGORN SON OF ARATHORN Part 1
Day One:
Ringwraiths killed: 4. V. good.
Met up with Hobbits. Walked forty miles. Skinned a squirrel and ate it.
Still not King.
Day Four:
Stuck on mountain with Hobbits. Boromir really annoying.
Not King yet.
Day Six:
Orcs killed: none. Disappointing. Stubble update: I look rugged and manly.
Yes!
Keep wanting to drop-kick Gimli. Holding myself back.
Still not King.
Day Ten:
Sorry no entries lately. V. dark in Mines of Moria.
Big Baelrog.
Not King today either.
Day Eleven:
Orcs killed: 7. V. good. Stubble update: Looking mangy.
Legolas may be hotter than me.
I wonder if he would like me if I was King?
Day 28:
Beginning to find Frodo disturbingly attractive.
Have a feeling if I make a move, Sam would kill me. Also, hairy feet kind of a turn-off.
Still not King.
Day 30:
In Lothlorien. Think Galadriel was hitting on me.
Saucy wench.
Nice chat with Boromir. He's not so bad.
Took a shower. Yay!
But still not King.
Day 32:
Orcs killed: none. Stubble update: subtly hairy.
Legolas told me that a shadow and a threat had been growing in his mind.
I think Legolas might be kinda gay.
Nope, not King.
Day 33:
Orcs killed: Countless thousands. V. good.
Boromir killed by Orcs. Bummer. Though he died bravely in my arms, am now quite sure that he was very definitely gay.
Not so sure about Gimli either.
RIP Boromir.
Still not King, but at least Boromir seemed to think I was. Might however have been blood loss.
Day 34:
Frodo went to Mordor. Said he was going alone, but took Sam with him.
Why?
My God, is everyone in this movie gay but me?
Not so sure about me either.
Still not King, goddammit.
Ringwraiths killed: 4. V. good.
Met up with Hobbits. Walked forty miles. Skinned a squirrel and ate it.
Still not King.
Day Four:
Stuck on mountain with Hobbits. Boromir really annoying.
Not King yet.
Day Six:
Orcs killed: none. Disappointing. Stubble update: I look rugged and manly.
Yes!
Keep wanting to drop-kick Gimli. Holding myself back.
Still not King.
Day Ten:
Sorry no entries lately. V. dark in Mines of Moria.
Big Baelrog.
Not King today either.
Day Eleven:
Orcs killed: 7. V. good. Stubble update: Looking mangy.
Legolas may be hotter than me.
I wonder if he would like me if I was King?
Day 28:
Beginning to find Frodo disturbingly attractive.
Have a feeling if I make a move, Sam would kill me. Also, hairy feet kind of a turn-off.
Still not King.
Day 30:
In Lothlorien. Think Galadriel was hitting on me.
Saucy wench.
Nice chat with Boromir. He's not so bad.
Took a shower. Yay!
But still not King.
Day 32:
Orcs killed: none. Stubble update: subtly hairy.
Legolas told me that a shadow and a threat had been growing in his mind.
I think Legolas might be kinda gay.
Nope, not King.
Day 33:
Orcs killed: Countless thousands. V. good.
Boromir killed by Orcs. Bummer. Though he died bravely in my arms, am now quite sure that he was very definitely gay.
Not so sure about Gimli either.
RIP Boromir.
Still not King, but at least Boromir seemed to think I was. Might however have been blood loss.
Day 34:
Frodo went to Mordor. Said he was going alone, but took Sam with him.
Why?
My God, is everyone in this movie gay but me?
Not so sure about me either.
Still not King, goddammit.
Jung the Noob.
- liQi the Lion King. (jeffery_x@hotmail.com)
- junG. (rage_avenger@hotmail.com)
(21:57) junG.: AHHHH DON SHUE LOOKS LIKE COCK
(21:57) junG.: i mean
(21:57) junG.: KOKS**
[This is reference to my previous post entitled Random Musings, under the chatlogs label.]
(21:57) Lishé the Lion K: =.=
(21:57) junG.: whos coffee tea?
(21:57) Lishé the Lion K: LOL
(21:58) Lishé the Lion K: QFT!
(21:58) Lishé the Lion K: YOU LA DUMBSHIT
(21:58) junG.: whats qft again?
(21:58) junG.: REALLY?
(21:58) junG.: WTF?
(21:58) junG.: ITS ME?
(21:58) Lishé the Lion K: yep
(21:58) junG.: ME?
(21:58) junG.: OMG
.--------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Session Start: Thursday, June 15, 2006 |
| Participants: |
| .iQiL : wtheck? (jeffery_x@hotmail.com) |
| I was GG-ed. (rage_avenger@hotmail.com) |
.--------------------------------------------------------------------.
Weak memory. Lol.
EDIT: By the same author. I'm giving him some publicity!
junG. says:
[09:04:41 PM] cN.Blink.: I FIXED MY COMp
[09:04:46 PM] cN.Blink.: I FIXED MY COMPPPPPPP
[09:04:55 PM] liqi.: cool
[09:04:55 PM] cN.Blink.: I ROXORZ
[09:05:41 PM] cN.Blink.: jinwai akasha freak
[09:05:42 PM] cN.Blink.: ==
[09:05:50 PM] liqi.: lol
[09:05:50 PM] liqi.: y
[09:05:56 PM] cN.Blink.: whole day play akasha --
[09:06:02 PM] cN.Blink.: i suck in aksha T.T
[09:06:06 PM] cN.Blink.: he gona pwn me sial
[09:06:09 PM] cN.Blink.: in aksha
[09:06:11 PM] cN.Blink.: xD
[09:06:14 PM] liqi.: lol
[09:06:18 PM] cN.Blink.: I STILL ROXORZ
[09:06:26 PM] cN.Blink.: DOTA FOR T3H WEEKENDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
[09:06:31 PM] cN.Blink.: MUAHAHHAHHA
[09:06:37 PM] cN.Blink.: WATCH THE REBIRTH OF CN BLINK
[09:07:16 PM] liqi.: eh heh
[09:07:51 PM] cN.Blink.: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
[09:07:56 PM] cN.Blink.: IM GONA SWEEP THE WORLD
[09:08:01 PM] cN.Blink.: KA CHINK
[09:08:02 PM] liqi.: =='
[09:08:14 PM] cN.Blink.: ( i owe zi chuen 7 bucks...)
[09:08:20 PM] cN.Blink.: SHUT U U STUPID VOICE
[09:08:23 PM] cN.Blink.: &*^%#%(@&)%
[09:08:45 PM] cN.Blink.: RAWRRRS
[09:09:00 PM] cN.Blink.: MY IMBANESS SHALL SUFFOCATE ALLL
junG. says:
[09:09:09 PM] liqi.: ...........
[09:09:11 PM] cN.Blink.: (what u mean imbaness?u fed with tormented.)
[09:09:17 PM] cN.Blink.: SHUT UP U DUMB VOICE
[09:09:27 PM] cN.Blink.: I SHALL PWNNNNNNNNNnnn
[09:09:53 PM] liqi.: "dear dumb voice, i agree with you, don't worry,
he's on crack."
[09:10:03 PM] cN.Blink.: (right. u cant even farm a fucking butterfly
in an hour.)
[09:10:10 PM] cN.Blink.: I DUN LIKE BUTTERFLY
[09:10:13 PM] cN.Blink.: U DUMB SHIT
[09:10:23 PM] cN.Blink.: I LIKE GUINSOO
[09:10:46 PM] cN.Blink.: (fucktard. u click guinsoo slower than the
time it takes for you to do ur maths. oh u havent don
maths.)
[09:10:52 PM] cN.Blink.: SHIT YOUUUU
[09:10:58 PM] cN.Blink.: WHY U HATE ME??!?!?!
[09:11:05 PM] cN.Blink.: (coz u ask me to shut up.)
[09:11:15 PM] cN.Blink.: U SHOULD!
[09:11:18 PM] liqi.: ..........................
[09:11:48 PM] cN.Blink.: (look who is talking. u cant even spell pwnt
properlypwntpwntpwntpwnt!)
[09:11:52 PM] cN.Blink.: I CAN
[09:11:54 PM] cN.Blink.: PWNR
[09:11:56 PM] cN.Blink.: PWNY
[09:1
junG. says:
[09:11:58 PM] cN.Blink.: PWNG
[09:12:00 PM] cN.Blink.: PWNF
[09:12:04 PM] cN.Blink.: PWNH
[09:12:08 PM] cN.Blink.: WHAT U LAFIN AT??!?!?!?
[09:12:15 PM] cN.Blink.: (you la duh. stupid.)
[09:12:18 PM] cN.Blink.: WTFUCK
[09:12:22 PM] cN.Blink.: I AM JUNG KIANG
[09:12:26 PM] cN.Blink.: NOT YOU!
[09:12:41 PM] cN.Blink.: (if your jung kiang why you need to convince
me i am not?)
[09:12:49 PM] cN.Blink.: BLOODY FUCK
[09:12:55 PM] cN.Blink.: U DO EVERYTHING LA
[09:13:05 PM] liqi.: hi jung kiang
[09:13:08 PM] cN.Blink.: (i dont mind. cause you are ruining my
reputation. feeder.)
[09:13:08 PM] liqi.: are you on crack?
[09:13:12 PM] cN.Blink.: (^%#)^(#%_(
[09:13:13 PM] liqi.: the toilet is that way
[09:13:16 PM] cN.Blink.: STUPID VOICE
junG. says:
[09:13:33 PM] cN.Blink.: (dont wana waste my time talking to noobs
like you. pwnt sucker
[09:13:37 PM] cN.Blink.: PWNR
[09:13:39 PM] cN.Blink.: PWNY
[09:13:40 PM] cN.Blink.: PWNF
[09:13:44 PM] cN.Blink.: PWNG
PWNH
[09:13:46 PM] cN.Blink.: &^%#)(^(#^
[09:14:14 PM] liqi.: ....
[09:14:40 PM] cN.Blink.: ..
[02:16:28 PM] cN.Blink.: Yo mama so fat, then when she stepped on the
weighing scale, i could see my handphone number.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
Drama.
A standard conversation with Yong Ying goes like this.
Interesting.
| (02:35) liQi the lion?: | On that sunday morning.... |
|---|---|
| (02:36) '<3: | i'm sure godlikeness will find you |
| (02:36) liQi the lion?: | =.= |
| (02:36) liQi the lion?: | righteousness. |
| (02:36) '<3: | i arose and dragged my heavy soul out of the linen sheets that bound my shell.. |
| (02:36) '<3: | albeit |
| (02:36) '<3: | 'i woke up' |
| (02:36) liQi the lion?: | I hate my sheltered lifestyle. This is the end of it. |
| (02:36) '<3: | lool |
| (02:37) liQi the lion?: | eh let's continue the story O_o |
| (02:37) liQi the lion?: | since we're bored anyway |
| (02:37) liQi the lion?: | xD |
| (02:37) '<3: | hahahahaahahahhahhaa |
| (02:37) '<3: | ok my turn |
| (02:37) '<3: | the end of it; it is the end of all that is life, the end of the life that is all, all we know of life |
| (02:38) liQi the lion?: | *stunned* |
| (02:38) liQi the lion?: | Life... What is it anyway? Is it just a meaningless torture device created by the struggles of heaven and hell? |
| (02:39) '<3: | Crafted so frivolously by the force within us, that will destroy us in the name of us |
| (02:39) '<3: | Life is but a game of chess.. |
| (02:40) '<3: | when the board folds, so do we. |
| (02:40) '<3: | *drumroll* |
| (02:40) liQi the lion?: | Living our lives as just pawns... Is it worth it? No! It isn't, and thus we mustn't let it end like this. We must strive to be the King. |
| (02:41) '<3: | HAHAHAHA |
| (02:41) '<3: | That crown, lies upon our white stone heads...and stone is but a metaphor, a metaphor to confine all that we are strained from. |
| (02:42) liQi the lion?: | This confinement.... This struggle... Is it meaningless? |
| (02:43) '<3: | The desperate answers locked in the core of man, only to be released when our souls are released from their lockets |
| (02:45) liQi the lion?: | *tough* |
| (02:46) liQi the lion?: | Meaningless or not, it matters not. What matters, were our purposes. Do we have them? Or are we just mere tools? |
| (02:47) '<3: | We have our opinions, mere illusions crafted from the illusion of our choice, but we are feeble, like the handle on a cracked toilet. |
| (02:50) liQi the lion?: |  |
| (02:50) '<3: | : O |
| (02:50) liQi the lion?: | There, my thoughts stopped. I just realised that I was pooping in the toilet, holding onto the cracked handle of the toilet. I snapped. "HOLY CRAP THE HANDLE BROKE!?!?! HOW AM I GONNA FLUSH NOW!?!?!" |
| (02:50) liQi the lion?: | i am teh winnar! |
| (02:51) '<3: | ... |
| (02:51) '<3: | Illusion : Pop |
| (02:54) '<3: | Disexist. |
| (02:54) '<3: | done |
Interesting.
Random Musings.
[05:28:56 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: im winston
[05:28:58 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: trust nme
[05:28:59 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: me*
[05:29:04 PM] `s h i n g. !: okay i dont liau
[05:29:05 PM] `s h i n g. !: lol
[05:29:14 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: i'm boon ming
[05:29:16 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: trust me
[05:29:36 PM] `s h i n g. !: oh u shutup
[05:29:39 PM] `s h i n g. !: i osocan lah
[05:29:45 PM] `s h i n g. !: i liqi. trust me ^.^
Classic loolll.
Shing Yi used to be my teacherrrr~
[05:57:33 PM] `s h i n g. !: learn to talk more
[05:57:37 PM] `s h i n g. !: lesson 1 :
[05:57:50 PM] `s h i n g. !: say hi to km whenever yu see her!!
[05:57:53 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:53 PM] `s h i n g. !: ^^
[05:57:53 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:54 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:54 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:55 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:55 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:56 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:56 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:57 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hoi
[05:57:58 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: -.-?
[05:57:58 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:58:05 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: u making him becoming more retard :P
[06:11:28 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: got liqi :P
[06:11:30 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: jungkiang:P
[06:11:35 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: kokweng =.=
Judging from his facial expressions...
Conclusion: liqi/jungkiang > kokweng. O_o
[06:15:09 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: sy,pls be a guy T_T
Boon's desperate pledge. ._.
[02:39:56 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: oh noes = oh no
[02:40:01 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: but noes = knows also
[02:40:04 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: means "oh" knows
[02:40:15 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: so must ask "oh" cuz he/she knows
[12:09:42 PM] CarYi: WHY ARE GUYS SO DUMB
[12:09:42 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: ><
[12:09:45 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: eeeyerr
[12:10:11 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: shing yi is the dumbest dumb dumb on the dumb dumb land in this dumb dumb world where there are many other dumb dumbs but shing yi is still the dumbest dumb dumb.
[12:10:25 PM] CarYi: nope
[12:10:30 PM] CarYi: your the dumbest dumb dumb
[12:10:33 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: caryi is the dumb dumb who teaches liqi the super dumb dumb kungfu
[12:10:35 PM] CarYi: of the dumbd
all-knowing, all-having, all-caring. CARYI!
[09:59:23 PM] Coffee < Tea: y koks look like gay de.
[09:59:31 PM] Coffee < Tea: when don shue do he looks funny
[09:59:36 PM] Coffee < Tea: when he do he looks gay =.=
[10:00:10 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: do what
[10:00:27 PM] Coffee < Tea: what u mean do what?
[10:00:45 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: wht koks do
[10:00:54 PM] Coffee < Tea: ur pic la gay
[10:01:00 PM] Coffee < Tea: he close eyes
[10:01:03 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: he's not in my pic =='
[10:01:12 PM] Coffee < Tea: hes not?
[10:01:19 PM] Coffee < Tea: rofl
[10:01:20 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: don shue lai de la, the one down there
[10:01:21 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: =='
[10:01:26 PM] Coffee < Tea: ROFL
[10:01:28 PM] Coffee < Tea: ROFLLLL
[10:01:31 PM] Coffee < Tea: I CANT TELL SIA
[10:01:33 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: =='
[10:01:43 PM] Coffee < Tea: i still cant tel..=.=
[10:01:52 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: lar meh
[10:01:56 PM] Coffee < Tea: he look damn like kokweng lerh
[10:02:08 PM] Coffee < Tea: from this angle
Oh my.
[05:28:58 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: trust nme
[05:28:59 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: me*
[05:29:04 PM] `s h i n g. !: okay i dont liau
[05:29:05 PM] `s h i n g. !: lol
[05:29:14 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: i'm boon ming
[05:29:16 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: trust me
[05:29:36 PM] `s h i n g. !: oh u shutup
[05:29:39 PM] `s h i n g. !: i osocan lah
[05:29:45 PM] `s h i n g. !: i liqi. trust me ^.^
Classic loolll.
Shing Yi used to be my teacherrrr~
[05:57:33 PM] `s h i n g. !: learn to talk more
[05:57:37 PM] `s h i n g. !: lesson 1 :
[05:57:50 PM] `s h i n g. !: say hi to km whenever yu see her!!
[05:57:53 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:53 PM] `s h i n g. !: ^^
[05:57:53 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:54 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:54 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:55 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:55 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:56 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:56 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:57:57 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hoi
[05:57:58 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: -.-?
[05:57:58 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: hi
[05:58:05 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: u making him becoming more retard :P
[06:11:28 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: got liqi :P
[06:11:30 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: jungkiang:P
[06:11:35 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: kokweng =.=
Judging from his facial expressions...
Conclusion: liqi/jungkiang > kokweng. O_o
[06:15:09 PM] ßøôn MinG x -: sy,pls be a guy T_T
Boon's desperate pledge. ._.
[02:39:56 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: oh noes = oh no
[02:40:01 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: but noes = knows also
[02:40:04 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: means "oh" knows
[02:40:15 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: so must ask "oh" cuz he/she knows
[12:09:42 PM] CarYi: WHY ARE GUYS SO DUMB
[12:09:42 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: ><
[12:09:45 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: eeeyerr
[12:10:11 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: shing yi is the dumbest dumb dumb on the dumb dumb land in this dumb dumb world where there are many other dumb dumbs but shing yi is still the dumbest dumb dumb.
[12:10:25 PM] CarYi: nope
[12:10:30 PM] CarYi: your the dumbest dumb dumb
[12:10:33 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: caryi is the dumb dumb who teaches liqi the super dumb dumb kungfu
[12:10:35 PM] CarYi: of the dumbd
all-knowing, all-having, all-caring. CARYI!
[09:59:23 PM] Coffee < Tea: y koks look like gay de.
[09:59:31 PM] Coffee < Tea: when don shue do he looks funny
[09:59:36 PM] Coffee < Tea: when he do he looks gay =.=
[10:00:10 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: do what
[10:00:27 PM] Coffee < Tea: what u mean do what?
[10:00:45 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: wht koks do
[10:00:54 PM] Coffee < Tea: ur pic la gay
[10:01:00 PM] Coffee < Tea: he close eyes
[10:01:03 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: he's not in my pic =='
[10:01:12 PM] Coffee < Tea: hes not?
[10:01:19 PM] Coffee < Tea: rofl
[10:01:20 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: don shue lai de la, the one down there
[10:01:21 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: =='
[10:01:26 PM] Coffee < Tea: ROFL
[10:01:28 PM] Coffee < Tea: ROFLLLL
[10:01:31 PM] Coffee < Tea: I CANT TELL SIA
[10:01:33 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: =='
[10:01:43 PM] Coffee < Tea: i still cant tel..=.=
[10:01:52 PM] .iQiL : wtheck?: lar meh
[10:01:56 PM] Coffee < Tea: he look damn like kokweng lerh
[10:02:08 PM] Coffee < Tea: from this angle
Oh my.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Videos after Church
Retarded bunch. OMGWTFBBQ?
We were hitting air so much it's retarded.
The best reason why you should come to church. Need more?
As you can see, it's a potential chance for a career breakthrough.
Oranges have never been more useful? Not convinced?
That should do it.
Lies.
DISCLAIMER: This is an opinionated post.
Are you a Lingam, or are you a Soi Lek?
I mean, are you a liar, who'd go to any length to deny accusations despite all evidences handed right in his face.
Or are you someone who'd admit to accusations if they were true, own up and apologize?
The difference between them is whether they lie or not.
I confess, I lie alot. Don't you? But It's usually not over a big matter.
Sometimes I lie so naturally, easily and convincingly it scares me.
"Why is it so easy to tell a lie and so hard to tell the truth when it matters?"
I really do not know. Perhaps it's just the nature of mankind. It's in our blood to lie.
I recently told my friends jokingly:
"Dude, I think my talent is lying. I can really convince people."
My afterthoughts were... It's true sometimes.
While all these lies are usually no big deal, just to hide some secrets or stuff, sometimes we just lose our credibility and integrity by lying so often like it's nothing wrong.
Manipulating what others think are the "truth" is bad. No matter how far you go to defend it, you know deep down it's wrong to misuse one's trust.
Some of the white lies I told recently include....
Caryi: You ponteng school today arh!?!?!
LiQi: Nola, I just got back this morning.
[Improvised version]
LiQi: Why you never go school today?
HuaJie: Hahahhaa lazy la..... You went?
LiQi: Of course. Today damn alot homework. It sucks.
HuaJie: No house practice?
LiQi: Ya this whole week no house practice, next week got. And Wednesday no more practice.
HuaJie: Why?
LiQi: Cuz pengetua la. She say ITU ORANG LAH.
HuaJie: What?
LiQi: I duno la, she say because of some person, she don't want on that day liau.
HuaJie: She damn random right? Only green house?
LiQi: Ya only green house, red house still have both days. I suspect she had a fall out with Siva. Doesn't matter la. Next week our turn to have two practices. Alternating.
HuaJie: I see...
Heck, sometimes I even conspire with others to lie.
LiQi: Jou, why you ponteng today? It was alot of fun.
Jou: You went school meh?
LiQi: I did.
Jou: You liar!
LiQi: I really did, ask Yanyun. Yanyun, I went school right?
Yanyun: Yeah, he went.
LiQi: See?
Perhaps this is why we are humans.
Anyway, if you're picking up lying as a "hobby" or something, this is a lie you should try.
"It sounds like me, farts like me, smells like me, has the same toilet as me, but 100% it's not me."
It's the "in-thing" to do now.
Are you a Lingam, or are you a Soi Lek?
I mean, are you a liar, who'd go to any length to deny accusations despite all evidences handed right in his face.
Or are you someone who'd admit to accusations if they were true, own up and apologize?
The difference between them is whether they lie or not.
I confess, I lie alot. Don't you? But It's usually not over a big matter.
Sometimes I lie so naturally, easily and convincingly it scares me.
"Why is it so easy to tell a lie and so hard to tell the truth when it matters?"
I really do not know. Perhaps it's just the nature of mankind. It's in our blood to lie.
I recently told my friends jokingly:
"Dude, I think my talent is lying. I can really convince people."
My afterthoughts were... It's true sometimes.
While all these lies are usually no big deal, just to hide some secrets or stuff, sometimes we just lose our credibility and integrity by lying so often like it's nothing wrong.
Manipulating what others think are the "truth" is bad. No matter how far you go to defend it, you know deep down it's wrong to misuse one's trust.
Some of the white lies I told recently include....
Caryi: You ponteng school today arh!?!?!
LiQi: Nola, I just got back this morning.
[Improvised version]
LiQi: Why you never go school today?
HuaJie: Hahahhaa lazy la..... You went?
LiQi: Of course. Today damn alot homework. It sucks.
HuaJie: No house practice?
LiQi: Ya this whole week no house practice, next week got. And Wednesday no more practice.
HuaJie: Why?
LiQi: Cuz pengetua la. She say ITU ORANG LAH.
HuaJie: What?
LiQi: I duno la, she say because of some person, she don't want on that day liau.
HuaJie: She damn random right? Only green house?
LiQi: Ya only green house, red house still have both days. I suspect she had a fall out with Siva. Doesn't matter la. Next week our turn to have two practices. Alternating.
HuaJie: I see...
Heck, sometimes I even conspire with others to lie.
LiQi: Jou, why you ponteng today? It was alot of fun.
Jou: You went school meh?
LiQi: I did.
Jou: You liar!
LiQi: I really did, ask Yanyun. Yanyun, I went school right?
Yanyun: Yeah, he went.
LiQi: See?
Perhaps this is why we are humans.
Anyway, if you're picking up lying as a "hobby" or something, this is a lie you should try.
"It sounds like me, farts like me, smells like me, has the same toilet as me, but 100% it's not me."
It's the "in-thing" to do now.
Pessimist Emo Kias.
[emo]
Today when I woke up, I found out I was all alone in my bed. I immediately broke down and cried.
Where are you?
Why is there shit in my pants?
Yesterday was a sad day, I really slit my wrists when I tried to attract attention.
It is still bleeding profusely right now. Doctor says it'll take seventeen years to recover fully. Why doctor, why? Why must you drown me in the pool of reality and let me plummet down the depths of despair and sadness.... The void of darkness is beginning to consume me...
This feeling.... You will never understand... This itchiness..... This restlessness...
I need to wash my hair!
People like you won't understand, you don't have to be emo and can wash your hair everyday... Whereas I have to keep my emo image up... Having messy hair and really deep eye bags... Only then can I express my true lifestyle...
This agony is too much... I can't take this pain anymore.. Where's my trusty and not rusty knife?!?!?!
Ah there it is.... *slits wrist*
Ahh....
Wait... WHERE'S MY CAMERA!?!??!?!?!
There it is..
Now, where's my hand?
"B da way u r.. no matter wad i'l owiz b there 4 u when u nid me.. Dats da way im gona love u if i cant get u bak"
[/emo]
Sing some I Feel Pretty plz.
Or maybe for Wong Seng, sing some This Is Why I'm Hot.
It'll help you.
Oh and by the way, learn to spell well, I don't know where you live, but I doubt many people are attracted to people who
Taip Laik Diz, yu mite tink itz so kool but relly it izn't.
To be honest, I don't hold any prejudice against emo people. Why should I?
As long as you're human, there are bound to be times where you're feeling blue. But some people are taking it too far... Hurting yourself?
Are you out of your mind?
I do not know what kind of trauma some of you have met, but that's just irrational.
Mindless.
Think about those that care about you.
Today when I woke up, I found out I was all alone in my bed. I immediately broke down and cried.
Where are you?
Yesterday was a sad day, I really slit my wrists when I tried to attract attention.
It is still bleeding profusely right now. Doctor says it'll take seventeen years to recover fully. Why doctor, why? Why must you drown me in the pool of reality and let me plummet down the depths of despair and sadness.... The void of darkness is beginning to consume me...
This feeling.... You will never understand... This itchiness..... This restlessness...
People like you won't understand, you don't have to be emo and can wash your hair everyday... Whereas I have to keep my emo image up... Having messy hair and really deep eye bags... Only then can I express my true lifestyle...
This agony is too much... I can't take this pain anymore.. Where's my trusty and not rusty knife?!?!?!
Ah there it is.... *slits wrist*
Ahh....
Wait... WHERE'S MY CAMERA!?!??!?!?!
There it is..
Now, where's my hand?
"B da way u r.. no matter wad i'l owiz b there 4 u when u nid me.. Dats da way im gona love u if i cant get u bak"
[/emo]
Sing some I Feel Pretty plz.
Or maybe for Wong Seng, sing some This Is Why I'm Hot.
It'll help you.
Oh and by the way, learn to spell well, I don't know where you live, but I doubt many people are attracted to people who
Taip Laik Diz, yu mite tink itz so kool but relly it izn't.
To be honest, I don't hold any prejudice against emo people. Why should I?
As long as you're human, there are bound to be times where you're feeling blue. But some people are taking it too far... Hurting yourself?
Are you out of your mind?
I do not know what kind of trauma some of you have met, but that's just irrational.
Mindless.
Think about those that care about you.
!! Akira Shock !!
I put this up yesterday (11/02/2008).
Wah so flattered. First day got 35 people liau! Keep on reading. xD
Right, now it's time to think of something to blog about.
How bout Amy Winehouse sweeped the Grammys? O_o
Monday, February 11, 2008
UBW vs UCW
Somehow I'm having a blog rush.
I am the bone of my blog.
Writing is in my blood,
and creative is my mind.
I have written over a hundred blogs.
Unknown to Pengetua,
nor known to Kennysia.
Have withstood headaches to think many ideas.
Yet, these brains will never type anything, (duh. the hands type.)
So as I type...
Unlimited Blog Works.
Writing is in my blood,
and creative is my mind.
I have written over a hundred blogs.
Unknown to Pengetua,
nor known to Kennysia.
Have withstood headaches to think many ideas.
Yet, these brains will never type anything, (duh. the hands type.)
So as I type...
Unlimited Blog Works.
And this is Unlimited Blade Works, the original.
This is the word of the truth.
Best Friends.
Recently, Edison Chen was involved in a sex scandal, just like our Health Minister, Chua Jung Kiang, Chua Soi Lek.
Anyway, Cecilia Cheung was among the women involved with Chen.
For your information, she is Nicholas Tse's wife.
Nicholas and Edison are good acquaintances, probably good friends...
And, I so happen to find this picture in the interwebs.
Left is Edison Chen; Right is Nicholas Tse.
Translation:
I just had sex with another female star, I even took pictures of it!
Wow, congratulations!
It's your wife!
Friends are like limbs [It's a chinese proverb, meaning friends are very important, just like your limbs.], women are like clothes.
You don't mind?
*This last part is extremely vulgar. Highlight to view.
*I'll translate the literal meaning, use your mind to figure it out.
When there's milk, we'd drink ["suck" is more appropriate, but who sucks milk??] it together.
When there's *cough* a "xi" *cough*, we'd *cough* "diao" *cough* it together.
Still don't get it? Highlight again.
For dumbasses, it means we'd suck tits together and fuck pussies together. Dumbshit. =.=
What the owned?
Anyway, Cecilia Cheung was among the women involved with Chen.
For your information, she is Nicholas Tse's wife.
Nicholas and Edison are good acquaintances, probably good friends...
And, I so happen to find this picture in the interwebs.
Left is Edison Chen; Right is Nicholas Tse.
Translation:
I just had sex with another female star, I even took pictures of it!
Wow, congratulations!
It's your wife!
Friends are like limbs [It's a chinese proverb, meaning friends are very important, just like your limbs.], women are like clothes.
You don't mind?
*This last part is extremely vulgar. Highlight to view.
*I'll translate the literal meaning, use your mind to figure it out.
When there's milk, we'd drink ["suck" is more appropriate, but who sucks milk??] it together.
When there's *cough* a "xi" *cough*, we'd *cough* "diao" *cough* it together.
Still don't get it? Highlight again.
For dumbasses, it means we'd suck tits together and fuck pussies together. Dumbshit. =.=
What the owned?
Giving up.
"I'm the type that doesn't really give up. Because when you give up, you end up regretting afterwards." - Uehara Mariko.
How true.
How true.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
CHINESE NEW YEAR! HAMSTERRRR.
I is back from Kampung di Johor!
How has everyone been? I hope it has been an eventful holiday. It hasn't been what I hoped it is, but perhaps it has for you!
After being at Johor for *recounts* Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday* five days. I finally came back on Sunday!
Gambling luck was alright. Nothing fancy though. Some crazy bastard who resembled very much like Kennysia, bet so big it's crazy.
Ya, my cousin's friend is a kennysia lookalike, too bad I paiseh take picture of him, he's... not that nice.
Speaking of lookalikes. This is karMun and her sister.
Lookalike isn't it? I present you karMun the Third.
MY COUSIN! Crap, she looks so much like WaiMun it's crazy.
Speaking of relatives, let me introduce you to some of them which I remembered to take photos of.
But patience is a virtue. Hold on. I shall talk about my experience in my kampung and introduce them as I go on.
Arrival at last, after 6 hours of journeying, I arrived at my dad's kampung, which is my grandparent's old home.
It is located near Mersing of Johor. It's a small village called Jemeluang, I think.
Anyhow, I just call it by it's chinese name, San Ban Tou (Literally "Three Wood Head").
The name makes no sense, I know. Regardless, it's quite fun.
At least, It's peaceful, windy, free of pollution, close to nature, does not have big longkangs which might cause unwanted accidents, does not have jungkiangs running around your house as if free cheese were littered around, most of all...
Chickens roam the neighbourhood. Boy, Yun Wei would've loved this place. Such delicious chickens, my mouth waters as I type.
Damn, I wet the keyboard, my mum's gonna get me.
Right, and there's also pigs and boars nearby, I just couldn't bother to go see them.
Not just that...
It also houses a shop which sells candies for dirt cheap.
Okay, fine it's not THAT cheap, but it's quite cheap. 4 for 20 sens anyone? Heaven for people with sweet tooths like me.
Right, so... time to introduce some of my relatives.
My 23 year old cousin who is studying Hotel Management, Li Bin. That's me cameoing by the side. Here's a better view.
We were watching the TV. Interesting show. Godly Detective (or something like that). Very artistic. A film in which every individual has inner personalities.
Either that, or we were watching Ultimate Crime Fighter, a series which is equally interesting.
Not sure, my cousin was toying around with my NcKia which he was so amused with.
Him: "Walao wei, ni de nokia hen gou te bie ler." [Walao wei, your nokia damn special.]
Me: "Dang ran la, zhi ge shi limited edition de la hao bu hao." [Of course, this is limited edition you know.]
Another cousin: "Kan hao lai yi dian, bu shi nokia lai de." [See properly, that's not a nokia.]
Him: "Walao zha dao, yuan lai shi N C KIA!" [Walao, zha dou, it's actually NcKia!"
And this is him. Took quite some effort to get this photo. For whatever reason he is camera-shy. Hah?
He is 19 and studies in Singapore's Temasik Polytechnic. Yep, a Singaporean he is.
And that is my sister and my cousin reading books. Not much to comment about.
And here's my blood related cousin. Handsome isn't he. I swear it's not me!!! Serious!
On a lighter note, I sure as heck don't remember taking this. Memory fails.
The night's dinner was alright. Not quite up to par with the Tuan Yuan Fan (A dinner of sorts we eat together with our family on the night of new year's eve) of the previous years, but nevertheless alright.
As 12 o'clock neared. We can hear firecrackers cracking and fireworks working.
Alright that doesn't sound too right.
We dub this the Fountain. It's pretty much a fountain of sparks flying up and falling down.
And here are my neighbours setting off the Kong Ming Deng(s).
Kong Ming is the alias of the famed chinese scholar and strategist Zhuge Liang. There is a story behind this lanterns, but I do not really remember it. People generally write wishes on the lanterns before setting it off to the skies beyond.
And they did just that.
It's quite a sight to behold, I'd like to try it one day.
And of course, the show of the day was the 168 fireworks that lit the sky. I know it's 168 because it's written on the box. So don't ask, lol.
Taken by my NcKia phone, the quality is hardly top notch. I will have to be satisfied with this phone for now.
Anyway, the fireworks are beautiful aren't they? I was right below them and the remains were flying around lol.
And.... doesn't it somehow feel like you're playing a shooting game when watching those? O_o
Probably because of the angle.....
Seems like fireworks weren't enough. They had to set of the FIRECRACKER OF GG. It was freaking loud.
Out with a bang?
Anyhow, that about concludes my days at Jemeluang. The rest are my gambling expeditions that are either too exciting or too boring for you to hear, so I'll stop right here.
So.... We headed back out to JB (Johor Bahru for you losers) on the second day of CNY .
It still wasn't much to talk about. I played mahjong with my elders and lost like 10+ bucks. And watched CJ7 with my cousins.
CJ7 was heck of a disappointment. It's a good movie, just disappointing.
Why? you ask. Isn't that contradiction? You say.
It IS good, just that it's not up to par with Stephen Chow's previous movies, such as Shaolin Soccer and KungFu Hustle.
The latter was crazy with it's hilarity, combining kungfu with triads in a dark natured storyline.
The former was just hilarious with Chow's many quirks and sarcastic remarks, and of course the over-exaggerated football kicking scenes.
CJ 7... is just a light hearted comedy with not much of an engaging storyline. While it does hold many morale values, it just doesn't suffice for it to be a great movie.
Not even the semi-hot actress who acts as Dicky (yes, Dicky)'s teacher can save it...!
I for one, am much more interested in Kung Fu Dunk.
It's definitely because of Jay Chou. Lol.
Besides, I'm a basketball fan as well. I'd like to see what comes out of the combination of kungfu and basketball after seeing Shaolin Soccer.
Anyway.... I got bored.... And... Played with the lighter.... I think It'd make a good toy for me. =.=
See how bored I was?
After this point, there isn't much to write about, except my gambling expeditions which are once again either too exciting or too boring for you to hear, so I'll stop right here.
This....
Is the crazy traffic jam that plagued the southern part of the North-South Express Highway.
I was stuck in this 43 (forty-three) kilometre long traffic jam for almost 2 (two) hours.
This is MADNESS!
*Leonidas jumps in*
Madness?
THIS. IS. MALAYSIA!
Oh well.
People got desperate and cut in the emergency lanes.
Such irony it is.
Even the government asks us to IKUT KIRI KECUALI MEMOTONG.
And it so happens, that the emergency lane, which people aren't supposed to drive on, is on the left.
Ridiculous.
What was meant to be a 3 and a half hour long ride became a 6 hour long ride.
As I reached home, I hurried over to Yanyun's place after taking a shower.
To myhorror amazement, my clay "melted".
No kidding, it was liquid-ish inside.
Didn't really matter, I didn't really want to style my hair anyway.
Yong Ying left immediately after I got there. Damn?
..........................
As expected from Yanyun. What a clutter.
This is Jenn, Mel, Yanyun looking at the mess and Karyee going bonkers on the trampoline.
This is my pants.
... Good night.
joujoujoujoujou
And that's five jous.
Don't ask me, ask jou.
How has everyone been? I hope it has been an eventful holiday. It hasn't been what I hoped it is, but perhaps it has for you!
After being at Johor for *recounts* Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday* five days. I finally came back on Sunday!
Gambling luck was alright. Nothing fancy though. Some crazy bastard who resembled very much like Kennysia, bet so big it's crazy.
Ya, my cousin's friend is a kennysia lookalike, too bad I paiseh take picture of him, he's... not that nice.
Speaking of lookalikes. This is karMun and her sister.
Lookalike isn't it? I present you karMun the Third.
MY COUSIN! Crap, she looks so much like WaiMun it's crazy.
Speaking of relatives, let me introduce you to some of them which I remembered to take photos of.
But patience is a virtue. Hold on. I shall talk about my experience in my kampung and introduce them as I go on.
Arrival at last, after 6 hours of journeying, I arrived at my dad's kampung, which is my grandparent's old home.
It is located near Mersing of Johor. It's a small village called Jemeluang, I think.
Anyhow, I just call it by it's chinese name, San Ban Tou (Literally "Three Wood Head").
The name makes no sense, I know. Regardless, it's quite fun.
At least, It's peaceful, windy, free of pollution, close to nature, does not have big longkangs which might cause unwanted accidents, does not have jungkiangs running around your house as if free cheese were littered around, most of all...
Chickens roam the neighbourhood. Boy, Yun Wei would've loved this place. Such delicious chickens, my mouth waters as I type.
Damn, I wet the keyboard, my mum's gonna get me.
Right, and there's also pigs and boars nearby, I just couldn't bother to go see them.
Not just that...
It also houses a shop which sells candies for dirt cheap.
Okay, fine it's not THAT cheap, but it's quite cheap. 4 for 20 sens anyone? Heaven for people with sweet tooths like me.
Right, so... time to introduce some of my relatives.
My 23 year old cousin who is studying Hotel Management, Li Bin. That's me cameoing by the side. Here's a better view.
We were watching the TV. Interesting show. Godly Detective (or something like that). Very artistic. A film in which every individual has inner personalities.
Either that, or we were watching Ultimate Crime Fighter, a series which is equally interesting.
Not sure, my cousin was toying around with my NcKia which he was so amused with.
Him: "Walao wei, ni de nokia hen gou te bie ler." [Walao wei, your nokia damn special.]
Me: "Dang ran la, zhi ge shi limited edition de la hao bu hao." [Of course, this is limited edition you know.]
Another cousin: "Kan hao lai yi dian, bu shi nokia lai de." [See properly, that's not a nokia.]
Him: "Walao zha dao, yuan lai shi N C KIA!" [Walao, zha dou, it's actually NcKia!"
And this is him. Took quite some effort to get this photo. For whatever reason he is camera-shy. Hah?
He is 19 and studies in Singapore's Temasik Polytechnic. Yep, a Singaporean he is.
And that is my sister and my cousin reading books. Not much to comment about.
And here's my blood related cousin. Handsome isn't he. I swear it's not me!!! Serious!
On a lighter note, I sure as heck don't remember taking this. Memory fails.
The night's dinner was alright. Not quite up to par with the Tuan Yuan Fan (A dinner of sorts we eat together with our family on the night of new year's eve) of the previous years, but nevertheless alright.
As 12 o'clock neared. We can hear firecrackers cracking and fireworks working.
Alright that doesn't sound too right.
We dub this the Fountain. It's pretty much a fountain of sparks flying up and falling down.
And here are my neighbours setting off the Kong Ming Deng(s).
Kong Ming is the alias of the famed chinese scholar and strategist Zhuge Liang. There is a story behind this lanterns, but I do not really remember it. People generally write wishes on the lanterns before setting it off to the skies beyond.
And they did just that.
It's quite a sight to behold, I'd like to try it one day.
And of course, the show of the day was the 168 fireworks that lit the sky. I know it's 168 because it's written on the box. So don't ask, lol.
Taken by my NcKia phone, the quality is hardly top notch. I will have to be satisfied with this phone for now.
Anyway, the fireworks are beautiful aren't they? I was right below them and the remains were flying around lol.
And.... doesn't it somehow feel like you're playing a shooting game when watching those? O_o
Probably because of the angle.....
Seems like fireworks weren't enough. They had to set of the FIRECRACKER OF GG. It was freaking loud.
Out with a bang?
Anyhow, that about concludes my days at Jemeluang. The rest are my gambling expeditions that are either too exciting or too boring for you to hear, so I'll stop right here.
So.... We headed back out to JB (Johor Bahru for you losers) on the second day of CNY .
It still wasn't much to talk about. I played mahjong with my elders and lost like 10+ bucks. And watched CJ7 with my cousins.
CJ7 was heck of a disappointment. It's a good movie, just disappointing.
Why? you ask. Isn't that contradiction? You say.
It IS good, just that it's not up to par with Stephen Chow's previous movies, such as Shaolin Soccer and KungFu Hustle.
The latter was crazy with it's hilarity, combining kungfu with triads in a dark natured storyline.
The former was just hilarious with Chow's many quirks and sarcastic remarks, and of course the over-exaggerated football kicking scenes.
CJ 7... is just a light hearted comedy with not much of an engaging storyline. While it does hold many morale values, it just doesn't suffice for it to be a great movie.
Not even the semi-hot actress who acts as Dicky (yes, Dicky)'s teacher can save it...!
I for one, am much more interested in Kung Fu Dunk.
It's definitely because of Jay Chou. Lol.
Besides, I'm a basketball fan as well. I'd like to see what comes out of the combination of kungfu and basketball after seeing Shaolin Soccer.
Anyway.... I got bored.... And... Played with the lighter.... I think It'd make a good toy for me. =.=
See how bored I was?
After this point, there isn't much to write about, except my gambling expeditions which are once again either too exciting or too boring for you to hear, so I'll stop right here.
This....
Is the crazy traffic jam that plagued the southern part of the North-South Express Highway.
I was stuck in this 43 (forty-three) kilometre long traffic jam for almost 2 (two) hours.
This is MADNESS!
*Leonidas jumps in*
Madness?
THIS. IS. MALAYSIA!
Oh well.
People got desperate and cut in the emergency lanes.
Such irony it is.
Even the government asks us to IKUT KIRI KECUALI MEMOTONG.
And it so happens, that the emergency lane, which people aren't supposed to drive on, is on the left.
Ridiculous.
What was meant to be a 3 and a half hour long ride became a 6 hour long ride.
As I reached home, I hurried over to Yanyun's place after taking a shower.
To my
No kidding, it was liquid-ish inside.
Didn't really matter, I didn't really want to style my hair anyway.
Yong Ying left immediately after I got there. Damn?
..........................
As expected from Yanyun. What a clutter.
This is Jenn, Mel, Yanyun looking at the mess and Karyee going bonkers on the trampoline.
This is my pants.
... Good night.
joujoujoujoujou
And that's five jous.
Don't ask me, ask jou.
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